With the holiday season approaching it can be extremely tough for those who are heading into their first year without a loved one. Many clients who come in for counselling often ask what they should consider as they head into the holiday season. Some want to implement new traditions, and others feel lost and/or stuck. Here are some things to be mindful of when heading into this season: Be kind to yourself and know that your emotions are valid. Recognize that old traditions may not feel the same without your loved one. Understand that new traditions can honour their memory, while creating fresh, meaningful experiences. Collaborate with family and friends to brainstorm ideas and try to include others (if it feels right to you.) Discuss what feels right for everyone, and be understanding that others will have different comfort levels and preferences. Honour the loved one’s memory by incorporating elements that reflect their personality, passions, interests or values. For example, preparing their favourite dish during gatherings, playing their favourite music etc. Involve cultural or spiritual practices. Rituals or customs from your culture or faith can make it more in sync with you and your loved ones. Modify traditional practices to align with your current circumstances. Be flexible and open to change, allowing traditions to evolve over time as feelings and needs change. Be prepared to let go of traditions that no longer feel meaningful. Seek support if needed. This can mean seeking support from a counsellor or support group if you are feeling overwhelmed. Share your ideas with others who may have experienced similar losses to gain insight as to what has worked for them. Celebrate progress - every step you take counts. Recognize the courage it has taken to start and celebrate the new memories and bonds created through these traditions and the people you are sharing them with. It is important to remember that grief is a very individual experience, no two people will grieve the same and there is no timeline on moving through your grief. Some common emotions people experience with grief are: Numbness and shock: This can last for several days or longer. You may notice yourself forgetting things, having difficulty with speaking, or other physical symptoms such as poor sleep and appetite, not being able to follow conversations. Loss and disorganization: People experience a range of emotions, sorrow, anger, confusion, guilt, hopelessness. These feelings can be intense. It is normal to have trouble with day-to-day tasks. You may find yourself feeling distracted, feeling confused, restless, and fatigued. Grief is hard work and will take a physical as well as emotional toll on the body. Intense emotions: You may find yourself feeling irritable, angry, or resentful as you work through your process trying to understand what has happened. You may be angry at the person who died and feel stuck in your grieving. Anger can leave us feeling negatively about life, and people around us. We may seek someone to [...]

When children are feeling anxious and overwhelmed, it is important to help them manage those feelings before they become too big or are held in to the point where the child “explodes.” Calm kits are a great way to help with these big feelings and it is something that the child can create for themselves, or have their parent or caregiver join in. With the holidays fast approaching and the winter weather settling in, it could be a great craft to work on with your child(ren). Anything can be incorporated.  The goal is to engage the child’s senses (touch, sight, auditory, taste, smell) to soothe or distract them when they are feeling low level frustrated, angry, sad or any big feeling. Things to get: A box or storage container they like or that they can decorate themselves (to put the items in) Stress ball (you can make these with balloons and experiment with different textures. If the child likes the feeling of slime etc, then something like hair gel could be close to that texture, but you can also use things like flour, rice, sand.) Balls – squishy or spiky Colouring items (sketch book, adult colouring books, printed mandelas/colouring pages from the internet, pencil crayons or markers) Puzzles or brain teasers Clay or play dough Pictures or mementos of people and places that make them happy Fidget toys You can include items that have the child’s favourite scents (essential oils, cards sprayed with it, if they have a favourite scent.) Favourite foods that can be stored in the box, in moderation an example of this would be hard or gummy candies. Craft items they enjoy Books Journal Let them have fun with this activity and be guided by the things they enjoy! If your child or children are struggling with emotional regulation, feel free to reach out to us for more information, or to book a consultation with one of the therapists on our team. Feel free to also check out our blog on Co-Regulation.

Co-regulation comes from research that highlights the importance of self regulation. Many caregivers want to support their children in developing self - regulation skills, to learn to manage their helpful and unhelpful thoughts and feelings and develop behaviours that promote self growth. In order to develop self - regulation skills, it is important for caregivers to co - regulate with their loved ones, displaying these skills through firsthand examples. Co - regulation is flexible, meaning that as your child grows and develops, so does their capacity to learn skills that promote regulation of their thoughts and feelings. Engaging in co - regulation begins by establishing supportive and responsive relationships with a child. Strong and supportive relationships are the foundation for promoting helpful thoughts and feelings that translate into helpful behaviours. To co - regulate with your child when they are displaying big emotions, it is important not to react, but to respond to their actions. A way to remember this is to think of yourself as a thermostat, not a thermometer. When the actions intensify, you set the temperature by responding in a helpful way to the child’s needs. Being a thermostat, sets the temperature as opposed to reacting to the actions of your child, becoming dysregulated by their actions. How to support your child: To respond to a child’s needs, a helpful tip is to first, reflect on your feelings in the moment of stress.When doing so, focus on the following things: How do you feel physically? Is your heart rate increasing? Are you feeling your body tense up, becoming overwhelmed in the moment? Our body gives us cues to know when we are stressed, by engaging in a quick assessment of how you feel physically, you can regulate how you feel.   How do you feel emotionally? Are your thoughts racing? Are you feeling hurt, betrayed, frustrated, alone or overwhelmed? If you are, take a second to pause and to address your feelings before addressing the needs of your child. In order to respond well, it is like the flight attendants say, you need to put on your mask first, before supporting others around you. The same is true for caregiving relationships, check your feelings before you respond to the actions of those around you. How can you manage your response to your child? Engaging in grounding exercises can be helpful in this time. For example, taking 2 minutes to look around the room and notice 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you feel, 2 things you smell and if possible one thing you can taste can support grounding yourself to respond well. Grounding yourself sets a calm environment for your child and can promote safety and stability for them. Co-Regulation at each developmental stage: According to Murray et al. (2015) self regulation grows and develops alongside your child. Babies: While children are babies, it is helpful to promote structure and routine, respond to their cues and be attentive [...]

Cultural barriers may discourage couples from receiving help, but there are ways to overcome these obstacles. Our culture, upbringing, and belief system shape who we are now. Culture has an important role in our identity. The culture can help us develop roots and comprehend people and situations, as well as solve problems. At times, the culture may also reinforce negative stereotypes, stopping us from trying new ideas. Mental health began to acquire popularity around 1800. The establishment of the World Health Organization and the Mental Health Association in 1947 led to an improvement in mental and emotional health in late 1900. It took some time for mental health to expand to other parts of the world. Currently, mental and emotional well-being has its own pace in reaching out to individuals. There are some cultural and belief differences that keep us from seeking support. In my experience, I have seen people who are eager to explore differences in belief systems and cultures. Some people desire accurate information to better comprehend therapy and assistance, which they may find useful. Today, in this blog, we will look at several cultural barriers that may prevent couples from obtaining therapy and examine approaches to overcoming these difficulties. Cultural differences may lead to a therapist’s inability to understand my history: We may assume that the therapist is unaware of my cultural background. Most therapists have substantial professional experience, which enables them to understand other cultures. Despite their lack of familiarity with all cultures, therapists receive education to foster a nonjudgmental environment. When providing therapy, therapists listen to understand the culture and respect the diversity of cultures. For example, I met a couple suffering with an infidelity issue who voiced reservations about getting treatment. They expressed worry that the therapist would judge them for their role in infidelity and their decision to remain in the relationship. I highlighted to them that as individuals, they have the freedom to make their own choices and decisions in life. You know yourself best, and you have capacity to make sound judgments for yourself. As a therapist, I cannot pass judgment on your decision-making process. I may provide support and perceptions if needed to support. Stigma surrounding therapy: Some cultures believe that we should keep our difficulties private. This belief is perfectly correct; it makes no sense to discuss personal concerns publicly. However, if you are struggling as a couple and are continuously arguing in circles, it is best to seek professional guidance. If you are unhappy in your relationship and believe that some modifications could lead to happiness, you should see a couple’s therapist. Some people believe that if society becomes aware of their involvement in therapy, it will be viewed as a weakness or worsen feelings of shame or embarrassment. It is critical to raise awareness that you are seeking help to stay content and healthy in your relationship. You are looking for help to improve the quality of your relationship and increase happiness. [...]

Definition and Importance: Attachment to others can be one of the biggest defining features of safety and ones’own happiness. During childhood one learns what to expect from the essential adults around them. Secure attachment occurs when parents or caregivers respond in such ways that allow a child’s brain to register that it is safe to trust others and the world around them. If safety and trust occur, the child will go out into the world knowing that their needs are going to be met. Alternatively, when needs are not met, the feeling of being unsafe results in an insecure attachment style. An insecure attachment style affects relationships well into adulthood. The Different Attachment Styles: Secure Children who have a secure attachment style are comforted by their caregiver because they have learned that their environment is safe to explore.  Similarly, adults will show vulnerability, the ability to depend on others and the allowance of others to rely upon them. Anxious Attachment Style Children’s unpredictable experiences of their caregivers are what provides for an anxious attachment style. One moment a parent may be loving and another, they may show negative emotions such as anger, frustration, and impatience. Adults who have an anxious attachment style often have a fear of abandonment displayed by the need to be reassured that they are loved and wanted. Symptoms include: Constant worry about your relationships Needing a lot of reassurance Fear of abandonment Being clingy Demanding attention Avoidant Attachment Style Adults with an avoidant attachment style will often keep an emotional distance from others. They appear to be very independent and will avoid discussing deep feelings. Furthermore, a child who adopts this style, has the experience of their emotional needs being discouraged or not acknowledged. Symptoms include: Being uncomfortable with closeness Preference for independence Reluctance to share feelings Pulling away from others Disorganized Attachment Disorganized attachment will often present as a combination of behaviours typical of anxious and avoidant styles, that is, seek closeness one moment and keep their distance at other times. Fear and confusion occur for children in this style as caregivers display erratic behaviour. It is a common experience that parents have comforted their child but also caused feelings of distress. Symptoms include: Seeking closeness while pushing away from others Being confused about what it is that you want in your relationships Difficulties trusting others Erratic responses to others’ actions How do I create secure attachment for myself? Understanding our own attachment style can help us more towards a healthier connection with ourselves and our relationships. Creating a secure attachment style can be achieved by: Learning about your own attachment style Getting to know yourself Focusing on personal growth by seeking professional support Adding self compassion into your life Mixed Attachment Styles in Relationships As an adult we need to be able to not only recognize our own attachment style but to connect with others who have alternative attachment styles. We can do this by: Communicating open and honestly [...]

Talking to youth about safety in relationships can be challenging but is essential in helping them build healthy, respectful connections. It is helpful to start by creating a safe, open environment where they feel comfortable sharing without fear of judgment or punishment. We want to assure them that discussing their relationships is about supporting their well-being and helping them make informed decisions, it is not about controlling them or thinking they are not capable. Some things we want to explore with them includes: What Does a Safe Relationship Look Like? Explain that safe relationships are built on mutual respect, honesty, and support. In a healthy relationship, both people feel free to be themselves, express their feelings, and maintain their individuality. We want to let them know that in a safe relationship, boundaries are respected, and they should never feel pressured to do something that makes them uncomfortable. Emphasize that saying “no” should be respected, and they have a right to express their needs or ask for space when needed. Remind them that love and respect go hand in hand—real love won’t force them to change who they are to fit someone else’s expectations. What Healthy Communication Means Communication is one of the most important foundations of any relationship. Describe healthy communication as open and honest, where both people feel heard, valued, and free to express their thoughts. We can encourage them to look for a partner who listens actively, avoids interrupting, and values their opinions. Also, explain that disagreements are a normal part of relationships, but it is how these conflicts are resolved that matters. Teach them that in safe relationships, arguments focus on understanding and resolving issues and are not about winning or blaming the other person. Let them know that apologizing, taking accountability, and showing empathy are signs of healthy conflict resolution strategies. Identify Key Red Flags Help them recognize red flags that signal a potentially unsafe relationship. These include controlling behaviors like constant check-ins, monitoring their whereabouts, or excessive jealousy. Explain that control and possessiveness are not signs of love but attempts to undermine their independence. Other red flags include put-downs, insults, or any behavior that makes them feel small, insecure, or ashamed. Highlight that isolation from friends, family, or hobbies is also concerning, as a supportive partner should encourage their connections and interests, not restrict them. Discuss Healthy Boundaries and Consent Make sure they understand that boundaries are essential in all relationships. Talk about the importance of setting clear personal boundaries, both emotional and physical, and emphasize that a respectful partner will honor these without arguments. This includes respecting their choice to take things at their own pace. Explain that consent isn’t just a one-time “yes” but an ongoing conversation. In any safe relationship, both people should feel empowered to say “no” at any point without fearing a negative reaction or pressure. Encourage Self-Respect and Assertiveness Emphasize that self-respect is key to recognizing when a relationship isn’t right. Encourage them to [...]

For many of us, winter is not our favourite season. The shorter, dark days and cold weather can cause us to neglect our physical and mental health. One of the main things many of us struggle with during the winter is making good choices when it comes to our nutrition. As local fruits and vegetables become harder to source and we seek comfort in treats as we “hibernate” we can find ourselves feeling sluggish and struggling with frequent colds. Registered Holistic Nutritionist, Tammy, shares these tips as we head into the winter season.   Enjoy nourishing meals with fall vegetables: As the temperature gets cooler, we often start to crave foods that are comforting and warming. This is a great time to enjoy nourishing meals filled with all the fall vegetables that are still available locally. Soups, stews or dishes made with vegetables like sweet potatoes, squash, carrots, cabbage or kale are great options to get loads of nutrients that will leave you feeling satisfied.   Find immune boosting foods: With cold weather approaching, along comes cold and flu season. Keep your immune system in good shape with foods rich in vitamins and minerals, especially, Vitamin C, and Zinc. A great way to do this is by making a homemade bone broth. Cooking chicken or beef bones with vegetables/spices (onions, garlic, carrots, leak, kale, fresh ginger and turmeric, etc) in a slow cooker for 24-48 hours is a great way to create a vitamin and mineral rich broth that can be drank “as is” to boost immunity or in a soup or stew to help get over a sore throat or runny nose. **Additional tip: Add a teaspoon of apple cider vinegar to help break down the minerals in the bones.**   Use spices you have on hand: Our top spices/herbs to add to your meals to boost your immunity and keep you warm during the winter season: garlic, oregano, basil, onion, turmeric, cinnamon, rosemary - the list can go on but these are commonly found in most spice cupboards. Not only can they add flavour to your food but they may also boost your immune system with their antioxidant, antiviral and antibacterial properties.   Focus more on nutrition than weight: During cold weather, especially if it lasts for months, our body may be more opt to hold on to weight as it works to keep us warm. Don’t let this be a stress, as Spring is also a natural time for our body to crave lighter foods and release any weight gain. So nourish your body with warming foods, protein rich meals (warm vegetables with meat, eggs or fish) as well as healthy fats (olive oil, coconut oil, butter, nuts, seeds, etc). This will keep you feeling satisfied, will help reduce cravings for sugary/salty snacks along with improving your mood on those long, dark days.   Don’t neglect being outside:  Vitamin D is so important year round, but especially in the winter months when [...]

Whether you have unfortunately experienced the loss of a young man or have noticed an increasing number of news stories and obituaries appearing that involve the deaths of young men, you are not alone in feeling like such events have been steadily increasing. As a clinician, counsellor, and therapist, I have come to see several factors that I believe have, and are, contributing to the deterioration of young men (approximately between the ages of 20 to 45) and what must be done to help these young men in navigating and improving their mental health. Such factors include: Disconnect from peers and social groups (outside of the digital world), ‘Learned helplessness’ and a low perceived ability to problem solve and navigate life’s challenges and stressors, Distorted and heavily biased views of the world and pessimism for the future (for the self and the world), A low sense of purpose, passion, and meaning in life, and, in connection to all of the aforementioned factors, Poor mental health’s impact on physical health, self-care, and life-skills.   Disconnect from Peers and Social Groups Many young males will voice to their family, work friends, and others concerned with their lack of interaction and time with friends and others outside of the digital world (I.e., Texting and sending photos and videos on social media apps, gaming, and other forms of communication via phone or computer), that they are ‘still hanging out’ with their friends enough and/or that they ‘don’t really care’ to see their friends outside of work and/or school hours. I can say that, in my practice, when I have seen young males who feel this way, they more often than not, have some of the more ‘obvious’ symptoms of low-mood or depression, but also several signs and symptoms that many do not consider when thinking of a male in their life who is struggling with their mental health. These signs and symptoms include: disturbed/poor sleep and insomnia, no longer taking part in activities they once enjoyed, drastic change in diet/appetite, irritability, agitation, and/or increased anxiety, poor hygiene, and being inconsistent with or not attending work and/or schooling as consistently as they once had. Technology like social media and video games (in the PC gaming /online age in particular) not only change how our brains work, but significantly impact our ability to focus on other tasks, sleep, our consideration of, and drive to, spend time with those we care about, complete work and/or school work, and interact with the physical world through healthy activities (E.g.,Hiking/walking, sports, community involvement, etc.). Young men often become so overly stimulated by things like social media, pornography, and/or gaming that certain parts of their brain become extremely fatigued, and averse to the healthier actions and activities in life, that all their brain begins to cherish and value is that stimulation. The consequences of this are not only the previously mentioned mental health symptoms, but feelings of ‘numbness’ or ‘blankness,’ wanting to sleep during hours outside [...]

Grief is unique to every person, and how it impacts everyone depends on a variety of things. There are common feelings and experiences that accompany grief, particularly when the death was sudden, and we were not prepared. Grieving is more complicated in these circumstances because we did not get the chance to say goodbye, and there may be many things that feel unresolved. With suicide, we are also left with the question of “why?,” which is a normal part of the process. Often, even when we do have some information, no answer satisfies. Even if we think we know why, one can never know the complete inner world of another person. We have to accept that we may never know why. There is seldom one event or one reason that brings a person to suicide. Most often, the person was in extreme emotional or physical pain for a long time. It is impossible to know another’s experience of life, or the thoughts that led to suicide. We only know what it looked like from our perspective, which also often leads to feelings of guilt. Especially if we knew the person well, it is common for us to ask ourselves “what could I have done?” “What did I not see?.” This is a normal, human reaction and a way that we try to make sense of what happened. It is also part of grieving to wrestle with feelings of regret about things that we may wish that we said or did. Again, this is normal, and may need to be expressed out loud as we work through the process of our own grieving. We did not want this outcome, so our brain is seeking answers and explanations as we try to accept what has happened. It is important to remember that we are not to blame for the choice that another person has made or the situation that took their life. Even when we know a person is struggling with emotional pain, we may not be able to prevent imminent risk, particularly when the person makes efforts to disguise their pain. Common Emotions:   Numbness and shock: This can last for several days or longer. You may notice yourself forgetting things, having difficulty with speaking, or other physical symptoms such as poor sleep and appetite, not being able to follow conversations. Loss and disorganization: People experience a range of emotions, sorrow, anger, confusion, guilt, hopelessness. These feelings can be intense. It is normal to have trouble with day-to-day tasks. You may find yourself feeling distracted, feeling confused, restless, and fatigued. Grief is hard work and will take a physical as well as emotional toll on the body. Intense emotions: You may find yourself feeling irritable, angry, or resentful as you work through your process trying to understand what has happened. You may be angry at the person who died and feel stuck in your grieving. Anger can leave us feeling negatively about life, and people around [...]

An often overlooked demographic are those approaching, or already in retirement. The very nature of retirement brings about a big change in your life. Your routine changes, and, for maybe the first time, you are thinking about what you want to do.Perhaps there are things you have always wanted to do, but never had the time, or maybe you are still navigating what life can look like for you in this new season. Registered Social Worker, Christine Bibby, shares these 10 tips for you: Everyone’s retirement is as individual as you are, so create your own plans for your life-there is no one way to experience this life phase. Pay attention to your physical health as it is part of mental health: adequate sleep, good nutrition, exercise, hydration, time in nature and limiting substances. Social connection is an essential aspect of flourishing in retirement. Maintain relationships that matter and form new ones. Continue to contribute meaningfully, as this need does not end when working stops. A sense of purpose is an important part of mental health. Develop a routine, set goals, put structure into your life. Continue learning new things and challenging your brain. Bring in habits and aspects of your identity from your working years that can apply now in your life, but with new goals and interests. (bridging identity) Spend time reflecting on the life you want before making commitments and giving your time away- make sure it aligns with your priorities, values, interests and needs. Give yourself time to explore. Make room for flexibility and creativity in your life planning. Remember that planning is good, but we also need to be adaptable. Make a list of things that bring you “micro joys” that can be part of daily life. It’s not just about the “bucket list” but also the small moments of beauty, connection and pleasure. For more information, or to book with someone on our team, feel free to reach out to us at 519.302.2300 or email reception@brantmentalhealth.com.