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So far Spenser Dougley has created 36 blog entries.

The Status Of Men’s Health in 2021

June is Mental Health Month and it is a month that focuses on the specific physical and mental health needs of men, adolescent boys and children. It is important to note that men and women experience and encounter much different challenges when it comes to their mental health, including stigma, symptoms and social and professional experiences and struggles. It has been approximated by researchers that men die five years earlier than women and die at significantly higher rates in approximately 9 of the top 10 causes of death. Perhaps the biggest challenge men face when it comes to their experience with mental health is the stigma attached to it and the fear of judgement that may follow if one self-discloses their personal struggles or shows any signs of ‘weakness.’ While I have recently seen in my practice, many young men from ‘Gen Z’ (those born between the years of 1997 and 2012) that have no resistance to or second thought of seeking help for any mental health issues they are experiencing… it is still evident in all older generations, that the unfortunate and unnecessary stigma that has lingered when it comes to being male and having mental health struggles continues in 2021.   Stigma, Facts and Myths Surrounding Men’s Mental Health As mentioned above, males who are considered to be a part of ‘Gen Z,’ and a significant number of males who are considered ‘Millennials,’ have shown that they tend to not show much consideration to any ‘stigma’ attached to their mental health experiences or fear of judgement from others. When it comes to other generations, such as ‘Baby Boomers’ (those born between 1946 and 1964), they often have much more difficulty revealing and speaking about mental health and personal struggles. In fact, according to the Society for Human Resources (2019), only 32 percent of Baby Boomers are comfortable with opening up about mental health issues. This is a statistic that I believe, through personal observation in my practice as a counsellor, has likely improved slightly. That being said, this statistic must improve even more if we are to normalize the fact, for men in particular, that it is healthy seek help for and view mental health as being as important and ‘normal’ as all other aspects of a man’s overall health.   Another thing I, and many other mental health practitioners, often encounter are the ‘myths’ and false beliefs a large majority of male clients either personally believe or are enforced upon them, by family, friends and/or coworkers. These myths and false beliefs include:   Men should always be tough and never reveal their feelings and struggles… and if they do, they’re ‘weak’… False. We must understand that we as human beings, no matter one’s gender or identity, cannot always control and ‘hold in’ how we are truly feeling if we are to live what I consider a genuine and healthy life. A common concern men face when experiencing mental health issues is that, if they admit to others [...]

The Status Of Men’s Health in 20212021-06-11T18:09:25+00:00

Building Resilience For the Prevention of Suicide

Building Resilience for the Prevention of Suicide By Registered Psychotherapist, Patricia James   Sometimes, overwhelming feelings of sadness, hopelessness, worthlessness, and loneliness are enough for some individuals to consider, or attempt to take their own lives. Death by suicide is relatively uncommon but it is estimated that approximately 4,000 people die by suicide each year in Canada (Canadian Psychological Association, 2020). It is more common for individuals to engage in self-harm behaviours and/or entertain suicidal thoughts (CPA, 2020).   In Canada, suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death children/youth age 10 to 19 years and young adults age 20 to 29 years. Although 73% of completed suicide occurs in males between the ages 45 to 59 years, 56% of women in this age category attempt or engage in serious self-harm behaviours resulting in hospitalization (Government of Canada, 2016).   Passive and Active Suicidal Thoughts Some individuals may have passive suicidal thoughts such as wishing to not wake up or that something fatal will happen. Others have more active thoughts about ending their lives. It is important to take both passive and active suicidal thoughts very seriously because it indicates that something is not right in the individual’s life (CPA, 2020).   Who is most affected by suicidal thoughts/behaviours Research indicates that suicide is generally more common in people who have mental illnesses such as major depressive disorder, and schizophrenia. Other underlying mental illnesses may include depression, anxiety, or substance misuse disorders. Sometimes chronic pain or physical illness can have a devastating affect for an individual which may also lead to suicidal behaviours (CPA, 2020).   Do people who consider suicide really want to die? According to the CPA (2020), most people who seriously consider suicide do not want to die. Sources of stress such as personal relationships, social status, school, work or worries about the future can contribute to feelings of hopelessness and pain. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal ideations or has a plan to attempt suicide, talk to someone about your feelings. There are people who can help you to feel better about life(CPA, 2020).   What should I look out for? Although depression and suicide go hand in hand, not everyone who dies by suicide is depressed (CPA, 2020). Never the less, if someone is depressed, it is important to find out if they are having suicidal thoughts.   Individuals who are demonstrating behaviours such as: 1. Giving away possessions, Have written a suicide note, Are talking about self-harm, Are gathering items to attempt self-harm/suicide are at risk for suicide. Individual who have experienced: 1. Recent personal loss, Have a history of past attempts are at an even higher risk for suicide (CPA, 2020).   Other signs are: 1. Changes in eating and sleeping habits, Withdrawing from others, Extreme emotional disturbances, Neglect for self-care, Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities.   If you or someone you know is experiencing any of these symptoms or talking about suicide, suicide behaviours or in crisis, [...]

Building Resilience For the Prevention of Suicide2021-06-08T14:46:59+00:00

The Best Way To Navigate Blended Families

Navigating blended families By Registered Social Worker, Sharon Walker Many of us are experiencing life in a blended family. When we have experienced divorce/separation and are ready to start a new chapter in our lives, there are many things to consider, especially when one, or both partners are bringing children into the relationship. The transition period for these families can be challenging and it can be hard to cultivate new relationships within the family unit. Registered Social Worker and family therapist, Sharon Walker, acknowledges the struggles of these families. “Creating a new sense of “home” can be both a difficult and an amazing thing,” says Sharon. “The first thing that may be helpful to remember is to be kind to yourself as the parent/step parent. As with any change, it is completely expected that everyone may be thinking about what the new family will look and feel like, even the things the family will rejoice in.”   A few things to consider in this situation: When we feel anxiety we know that our body and minds may be moving more quickly than usual. It may be helpful to remember that literally slowing down your speech, gestures and listening may be helpful in seeing and understanding each other and the entire family unit.   Delight in the moments/reactions that make you smile. Say out loud in a clear manner what is so amazing. Acknowledging the good times is important. Physical touch that conveys love and comfort can never be under-estimated- a hug really is soothing and can help everyone connect. In the present moment there may be opportunity and challenge- act mindfully and be aware of the moments where no words are actually helpful and can actually be shared at a later point that may be “heard” differently. Reacting in the heat of the moment can create further tension.   Extreme Reactions: Whilst we try to avoid extreme reactions in ourselves, when navigating new challenges and big changes in our lives; extreme reactions can happen. It is helpful to remind yourself that regardless of who is reacting in this way, at the core of it is a need to reach out and connect and deal with BIG feelings.   A helpful tool/resource is the following link where Dr. Dan Seigel talks about the wheel of awareness. https://www.wheelofawareness.com/   The purpose of this tool is to “help you focus and direct your awareness.” This is something that would be beneficial for the whole family as you work to create a new sense of home and all manage the different feelings you have surrounding the changes.   As explained on this website, “At different times it may be helpful to focus your attention on the… 5 main senses: taste, touch, sight, hearing, and smell 6th sense: gut sensations, breathing/respiratory, heart, muscles, bones, blood, etc 7th sense: mental activities such as thoughts, feelings, memories, beliefs, emotions, images, plans, and anything else on your mind. 8th sense: interconnectedness, the ability to connect to yourself, your [...]

The Best Way To Navigate Blended Families2021-06-08T14:47:42+00:00

Access to Virtual Psychiatric Consultation, Evaluation and Assessment through Brant Mental Health Solutions

We often hear from clients how challenging it is to be referred to a Psychiatrist (for those who are unsure, Psychiatrists are Medical Doctors who are able to diagnose mental health disorders and prescribe medication.) Even if our clients are referred to a Psychiatrist, it can take up to a year to get your first appointment. Registered Psychotherapist, Jennifer Ackford has partnered with the Psychotherapy Matters Virtual Clinic to offer clients access to Psychiatric referral and evaluation through video conference sessions. This provides Jennifer’s clients with quicker access to Psychiatric services and follow up appointments if necessary. She is pleased to be able to offer this unique service to her clients and explains how it works below: How it works. Jennifer begins working with a client. This process allows her to begin understanding the issues that are impacting the client and the opportunity to assess whether consultation with a psychiatrist (who is a medical doctor) could offer further necessary insight, evaluation, diagnosis and/or recommendations for medication, that would be beneficial for the client. Jennifer and the client make the decision together whether a referral for this kind of further evaluation might be a positive step. If yes, Jennifer will fill out a referral form and Psychotherapy Matters Virtual Clinic returns the referral with a form to be signed by the client’s family physician. When a client does not have a family physician Jennifer will work with you to find an alternate person (i.e., through an urgent care clinic). A date is set (usually within a month’s time) When the date for the appointment arrives, a videoconference between the client, Jennifer and the Psychiatrist is set up. Jennifer has an opportunity to consult with the Psychiatrist for a few minutes at the beginning and end,as well Jennifer is part of the consultation with the client. (The reasoning behind this is that sometimes it can be difficult for a client in this pressured situation to be sure that they are communicating all of the relevant information clearly and completely so that the Psychiatrist can adequately evaluate and make a solid diagnosis. Jennifer can provide the psychiatrist with relevant information both before and after as well as support the conversation between Psychiatrist and Client. In the aftermath, the Psychiatrist can help direct the type of treatments that may be helpful for the specific needs of the client which will make the psychotherapeutic appointments that much more focused and effective. If you have more questions about this brand-new service, please feel free to contact us either at 519.302.2300 or email reception@brantmentalhealth.com to request a free consultation with Registered Psychotherapist, Jennifer Ackford.

Access to Virtual Psychiatric Consultation, Evaluation and Assessment through Brant Mental Health Solutions2021-04-30T17:10:23+00:00

What To Expect At Your Child’s First Counselling Session

It can feel like a daunting and overwhelming situation. Your child’s first appointment with a therapist. Not only is your child likely feeling anxious, but you are too. As the parent or caregiver, you are wanting to help make the first appointment go as smoothly as possible and part of that is preparing your child for that appointment. Here are some helpful suggestions to prepare your child: Talk them through the process. - If they are old enough to know where the location is, tell them. If they can picture it in their mind, it isn’t an unknown place. - Show them a picture of the therapist from their bio on our website. - Explain to them that the first appointment is usually just getting to know the therapist and that they are welcome to have their parent/caregiver present for some or all of that first appointment, if it will make them more comfortable. - For younger children, let them know that there are toys, craft supplies, books and other things they can enjoy whilst waiting for their appointment and during their appointment. The child therapists make sure to find out what the child is interested in and they incorporate that into their therapy sessions. Let the child know that it is their appointment and that they can be honest and open about how they are feeling and that they are not obligated to share things until they feel ready. They are also allowed to ask for the parent to come back in the room, or ask if they need a break. Nothing about the process is supposed to be traumatizing, the therapist wants to listen and support without any judgement. No one is “analyzing” them. Many young people, in particular teens and pre-teens associate counselling with being analyzed, leading to worry about being judged. Therapists are not permitted to diagnose mental health disorders, and they are not trying to analyze you. They are just trying to connect with you so that they can help. It is important to learn to trust the therapist so that you can fully open up to them. Teens and pre-teens also worry about getting into trouble by sharing things. Please read over the confidentiality clause on their intake paperwork with them. It clearly outlines the times when a therapist is legally obligated to report things that have been disclosed. This will also be explained by the therapist at their first appointment. For my children, I always explain that going for counselling is like visiting your family doctor. When we have concerns about our physical health, we are usually comfortable booking an appointment and talking to our doctor about what we are experiencing. There is not much stigma associated with visiting a medical doctor for a checkup, therefore, try to “normalise” the therapy process Explain that taking care of your mental health is as important as going to see your doctor and that many people find themselves needing support for their mental health, they aren’t [...]

What To Expect At Your Child’s First Counselling Session2021-04-30T16:16:17+00:00

How To Nurture Children During Divorce or Separation

Life is full of wonderful and sometimes very difficult detours. We may have a vision of how our life and relationships will be in the short term and long term, however, this vision may not always end up becoming our reality. The decision to move forward with a separation or divorce is often a difficult one. We know that whatever decision is made will impact each partner as an individual and as a parent/caregiver. We also know it will impact children. Frank Herbert once said, “There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story”. This is one way of looking at the changes in families; the other way is to recognize that with no real ending you also do need to stop the story and may just need to re-write some of the chapters. The research tells us that one of the most important things we can do for our children is cultivate a warm, welcoming, kind and predictable space for connections to continue to flourish. Connection and relationship are among the most important lifelines to wellness and belonging that we can strive for. Gordon Neufeld is a developmental psychologist and awell-known author who ascribes to John Bowlby’s attachment theory. https://neufeldinstitute.org Gordon Neufeld suggests   that “children need to trust and depend upon those who are responsible for them.” During a time of stress, it may be helpful to remember that literally “being with” your children and sharing the joy, laughter and sadness is one way of communicating, by your actions, that there is path ahead and together- you can be amazing as individuals and a family even if we have written some new chapters. It may also be helpful to notice when you think, or your child thinks, it might be helpful to talk to a professional about how they are feeling and managing. Think of how you feel when you look at the image in this article, and think about how you can create and nurture that kind of space for your kids. When you notice it is more and more difficult to do this- reaching out is always an option! At Brant Mental Health Solutions, all of our therapists offer free 15-minute consultations to talk about what counselling may look like for you, your child and family.   Written by Registered Social Worker, Sharon Walker. This article is not designed to replace seeking the help of a trained mental health professional.

How To Nurture Children During Divorce or Separation2021-04-30T17:07:23+00:00

COVID Grief is a Real Thing: Here’s What You Need To Know

Our world has changed. What initially felt temporary is now beginning to feel more permanent.  There is a collective grief being felt by many.  Additionally, with feelings of an uncertain future, many are experiencing anticipatory grief which can take our mindsto the worst scenarios.   Grieving an emotional loss, or a change in somethingfamiliar, is normal.  We have been taught to distract ourselves from the emotions we do not wish to face.  Burying or ignoring these emotions only delays our healing and leads to increased feelings of exhaustion, anxiety, and depression.Once we find the courage to confront whatwe have been avoiding, we can begin the healing process.   The Grief Recovery Institute believes there are mythsmany of us reach for in an attemptto heal our emotional pain.  We have been conditionedto believe our feelings do not matter and as a result many of us self-isolate and grieve alone.  We have been taught to be strong for others and in an effort to feel better we replace our loss.  We stay busy as we wait for time to heal our wounds.  These coping strategies are called myths for a reason.  Rather than heal our pain, these strategies keep us trapped in a never-ending cycle of grief.   How do these myths relate to COVID and our current protocols?   Grief can be the result of the death of a loved one. It may be the feelings which follow divorce.  Grief may be things we wished had been different, unrealized dreams and expectations, or unsaid communications which need to be heard.  Grief can be the conflicting feelings due to a change in something familiar.  COVID has robbed us of our familiar - removed our feelings of safety and caused many of us to feela loss of control and personal autonomy.  Couple all this with any previous unresolved emotions, and we find ourselves riding a never-ending rollercoaster of emotional uncertainty.   Intellectual statements differ greatly from those which come from our heart.  As humans we are programmed to want to be accepted, to fit in, and will do anything to achieve this.  With so much misinformation, confusion, and division surrounding COVID we mayfind ourselves afraid to share our thoughts and feelings for fear of rejection.  When we believe our feelings do not matter, we withdraw, shelter ourselves from the criticism, and wait for the storm to pass.   Waiting for the pain to go away can increase our feelings of isolation and anxiety.  Time is not a verb: it is a noun.  To resolve any unfinished business,which resides within us, we are the ones who must act.   Uncomfortable with the silence and isolation, many of us reach for short term energy relieving behaviours (STERBs) to distract us from our pain.  During COVID, our distractions have become even easier to access.  Alcohol and grocery stores remain open. Netflix provides endless hours of entertainment.  Phones and computers offer numerous applications to occupy our time.  STERBs do provide relief in the interim. However, once we [...]

COVID Grief is a Real Thing: Here’s What You Need To Know2021-04-30T16:17:50+00:00

First Responders and Unresolved Grief

Those who work in law enforcement, EMS, fire, air medical, ER, etc. are all very familiar with the complexities of witnessing trauma on a daily basis.  These caring and hardworking first respondersprovide us with much-neededpublic safety and support.  Unfortunately, many of these individuals overlooktheir personal reactions or do not have the necessary tools to process and healtheir own feelings of grief which results from their chosen careers. I can’t begin to imagine the rush of emotions which must flood first responders after an emergency call.  They often find themselves in horrible situations where loss is sudden and unexpected.  Without proper tools to work through the situations, they do what we all have been taught to do when grieving: suppress emotions; pretend to be strong for others; and wait for time to make everything feel better. For many, when time doesn’t ease the pain of suffering, the next strategyis to stay busy and replace the feelings of loss with something else.  While time may be filled with such things as alcohol, drugs, shopping, sex, or whatever distract us, or helps us hide, from the feelings we do not wish to face, the healing remains unsuccessful. Grief is the normal and natural reaction to an emotional loss of any kind and first responders have additional losses the general public may never encounter: the death of a patient; the inability to find an abducted child; watching the results of a disabling car accident; or being unable to extinguish a house fire while the residents remain inside.  Without a way to diffuse the emotional triggers, memories of these incidents can lead to nightmares and years of anxiety. Grief can also be the change in something which was familiar; Perhaps a work partner dies, there is a reassignment to another team, a promotion is won or loss, or a retirement transpires. All of these daily situations can create feelings of loss. Feeling grief is normal and natural. Unfortunately, it is society’s reaction to loss whichcan make us feel uncomfortable with the emotions we are experiencing.  In the workplace, most corporate policies provide us with a few days to deal with thetraumaordeath of a loved one.  Within this short time we are expected to put the pain behind us and come back to work in a functioning manner. The Grief Recovery Method® (GRM) was designed by grievers for grievers.  It is an alternative to traditional therapy and is, at its core, an educational program.  Participants identify the losses they feel are incomplete or those which have been left unfinished.  Once identified they are taught a simple, yet effective, four step process to complete these emotions in order to actually “set these memories down”. As human beings we want to finish the story we have experienced. Many times, in finishing the story, we also attempt to rewrite the ending.  Our mind enumerates over and over the “would have”, “should have”, and “could have”scenarios looking to complete the experience differently.  This constant looping keeps us trapped in a [...]

First Responders and Unresolved Grief2021-04-30T17:06:19+00:00

Spoons Anyone?

Have you ever heard someone say, “I just don’t have enough spoons to do this today”? Or, I just used my last ‘spoon’ and I don’t have any left to do anything else?   The metaphor of the ‘spoons’ was first used by Christine Miserandino in her blogsite www.butyoudontlooksick.com.  She used the example to try to explain to a friend what it was like living with the chronic illness of Lupus. The example as explained by Ms. Miserandino went like this. Each spoon represents the amount of energy that is required to complete a task. Many people have an infinite number of ‘spoons’ (or energy) to use at the beginning of each day. They wake up and have infinite energy to take on whatever comes up in the day. They have freedom to pursue any and all activities that come their way from the necessary tasks like getting up and having a shower, to going to work, to cooking dinner and cleaning up afterwards, to spending some quality time at the end of the day with spouse, children or friends. Because of the energy at their disposal, they also have the freedom to add in a quick fun shopping trip here, and a spontaneous fun walk or hike with their pet there.   Those who experience chronic illness, whether that is chronic physical illness, chronic disability or mental health issues (like anxiety, depression or trauma), often have a finite number of spoons each day. With those spoons, they have to navigate all of the tasks of the day, planning things out carefully to ensure they can get through the day with the spoons they have at their disposal. As Ms. Miserandino puts it, just getting out of bed and brushing one’s hair and teeth, perhaps taking a shower can easily use up 2 or 3 spoons before one even gets to breakfast in the morning (never mind getting out the door). This leaves a limited number of spoons with which to navigate the rest of the activities of the day.   When I first read about ‘spoons’, it struck me that this metaphorcould be a powerful ‘aha’ moment for anyone struggling with chronic illness or mental health issues of any sort. It is a way to understand and gain insight into the often confusing and frustrating situations that you deal with on a day to day basis. This metaphor can also help you to put into words your experience so that those around you can gain some insight into your reality.   When life feels so overwhelming that just accomplishing the mundane yet necessary tasks (like just getting up in the morning) is difficult, people more often than not, are left with a variety of emotions and self-judgements that are heaped on top of everything else. For example, it is easy to be left feeling guilty for not being able to act or accomplish tasks that others around you (or that you) expect; sad, because it feels thatyou are missing [...]

Spoons Anyone?2021-04-30T15:47:38+00:00

Supporting Your Child and Their Gender Identity

Part of growing up is figuring out who we are and what our place is in the world. For children, and even adults, this can be a struggle. Our sense of self is based upon values, beliefs, interests, relationships, sexual orientation, and of course, our gender identity. For parents, if this gender identity exists outside of cisnormativity (the assumption that all folks’ sense of identity and gender aligns with their birth sex) it can lead to a host of emotions. Parents may experience: * Confusion, * Hurt, * Disbelief, * Sadness, * Anger, * Grief, * Shame, * Relief, * Happiness, * Concern. Many of these feelings stem from a concern about how their child will navigate the world and in turn how the world will respond to them. Whilst these feelings are all normal and valid, it is important to manage those feelings once your child has identified their gender to you. Connecting with a therapist to help you work through these feelings will allow you to better support your child. When it comes to supporting your child’s gender identity, there are three key things you can do. 1. Validate and be Supportive – If your child comes out to you as transgender or gender non-conforming, provide a safe space to listen and practice understanding. Learn from you child what that means to them. It is important to provide a clear message of support to your child that you are there for them and love them for who they are. Being supportive and validating includes using your child’s preferred name (this may be difficult if it is different than the name you have given them) and their preferred pronouns. It also includes creating safe and inclusive environments for your child in the home, with others, and in the community to the best of your ability. Finally, it is recognizing that your child is the expert in their identity, including their gender. Reducing their experience to “just a phase” will make your child feel rejected and unaccepted. 2. Educate yourself – Cisnormativity, transgender, gender non-conforming, gender variant… what do they mean? Educate yourself on the terminology and the experience of gender variant and gender non-conforming individuals. There are a lot of great organizations doing this work in the community and across the country which are referenced below. Ok2bme has a great resource outlining the definitions (see link at end of report). Research LGBTQ+ organizations. Join a parent support group or reach out to other families who have a child that may be gender non-conforming or gender variant. Finally, remember your child is the expert of their experience and is a wealth of knowledge as well. 3. Advocate for your child - Advocacy can take many forms. It may be ensuring your child’s school is a safe environment where their gender identity is taking into consideration (i.e. there are non-gendered bathrooms). It may be encouraging other family members to use your child’s preferred pronouns and name. Talk to your child about [...]

Supporting Your Child and Their Gender Identity2021-03-08T14:45:50+00:00