Grief is a part of life, and often said to be “the price we pay for love”. We will all experience losing people and things we have loved. We know that supporting our children and adolescents through these life experiences will help them to grieve in healthy ways. So, how can we do this? Tell them the truth: When someone or something has died, it is important to give our children the correct information about what has happened, using simple language, and keeping in mind their developmental age. By telling them openly what has happened, some of the fear around talking about death is lessened. It also will let your children know you can and are able to talk about it. Seek out support if you need help to do this. Recognize that children do grieve: Grief will look differently in children according to their developmental age, personality, life experience, etc., as well as the closeness of the relationship with person or pet that has died. Expect that children’s emotions may be expressed through their behaviour rather than through their words. Expect that reactions to the loss will change over time, over months and years, and questions may emerge later. Similar to the process for adults, children’s experience of the loss will be unique to them and based on the context of their own lives. Allow your child to express their feelings: Allowing your child to express their feelings and thoughts without having expectations of how you think they should behave is key in supporting them. For example, some people may not cry when grieving. For your child, normalize a wide range of emotional reactions, such as feeling angry, sad, confused, upset, relief, numb, or shocked. Validate that all of these different feelings are OK. Answer questions honestly and at an age-appropriate level. Provide opportunities for sharing memories. Help your child to self soothe and provide soothing reassurance where you can. Anticipate that new concerns may emerge: This may include new fears, such as anxiety about illness, or a fear of death. This is a common reaction in children and they will require reassurance from you that both you and they are safe. Knowing your own child is important: if you see a change in behaviour, or their fears become persistent, consider seeking out the support of a mental health professional or your family Dr. Although grief is a natural and normal process, children can get “stuck” in their grief, and develop unhelpful patterns of behaviour and thoughts. Keep routines and structure in place: Especially when the loss brings change to your children’s lives. Creating stability through maintaining predictability where possible is a way to help provide emotional calm and a feeling of safety for your children. Children will also be reacting to the emotions and behaviours of people around them and may be more prone to becoming dysregulated in an emotionally charged environment. Call on friends and family for support for your children and [...]

What does it mean to be a highly sensitive person? An extract from Sensitive by Jenn Granneman and Andre Sólo, “No matter what you call it, sensitivity is defined as the ability to perceive, process, and respond deeply to one’s environment. This ability happens at two levels: (1) perceiving information from the senses (sight, smell, hearing, taste and touch) and (2) thinking about that information thoroughly or finding many connections between it and other memories, knowledge, or ideas.” People who are sensitive do more of both. They naturally pick up more information from their environment, process it more deeply, and are ultimately more shaped by it. Much of this deep processing happens unconsciously and many sensitive people aren’t even aware that they do it. A better word for sensitive might be responsive. If you are a sensitive person, your body and mind respond more to the world around you. You respond more to heartbreak, pain and loss, but you also respond more to beauty, new ideas and joy. You go deep where others only skim the surface. You keep thinking when others have given up and moved on to something else. Sensitive is synonymous with oversensitive, explains Granneman, and HSPs are often told they should “be less sensitive”. Yet it’s impossible to change the reactivity of one’s nervous system. It’s like trying to be less tall. Mental health support can help HSPs develop coping skills, maintain appropriate boundaries, navigate relationships, and build upon the strengths of their nervous system. Instead of “I wish I didn’t react this way or that way” instead, lead with genuine curiosity, “Hmm, that’s interesting, I wonder why I had to react this way or that way.” Curiosity provides us more support to understand how we are interacting with our environment and allows for more movement where judgment works to keep us in shame where it is easier to get stuck and harder to move forward. Highly sensitive person traits may include: Sensitivity to lights and sounds Sensitivity to caffeine and medications Feelings of being overwhelmed by crowded places Feeling more drained than others after spending time with people Affected by the energy and moods of the people around them Startling easily Difficulty with transitions and change Avoiding extreme or perpetual acts of violence in television and movies Clinical psychologist Fergus Kane comments about how children that are highly sensitive might struggle with particular fabrics touching their skin or are distressed about challenges on the school playground. Parents might find the term of highly sensitive person more helpful than a label of “a difficult child” – in the pursuit of wanting to understand their children, and advocate for them. How to Support a Loved One or Ourselves: Do’s and Don’ts: The overall message of support for a friend or loved one is to not say that they are overly sensitive or too sensitive. Statements like these are harmful because it is a judgement and makes an assumption that the person can [...]

A lot of feelings may arise as August 31st draws near. At this point many of us may have lost a loved one to overdose, or we know someone who has. As the drug crisis continues in our community, many of us see the effects of drug use in our neighbourhoods every day. August 31st is International Overdose Awareness Day, when people around the world gather to remember those who have been lost and collaborate to end death due to overdose. No community is immune and overdose and related deaths are felt in our community, where we experience these issues at rates significantly higher than the provincial average. The good news is that overdose is preventable. Some ways that we can keep ourselves, our loved ones, and community members safe include: Getting educated on the signs of an overdose Treating any suspected overdose as a medical emergency and contacting 911 Carrying and learning how to use naloxone to reverse an opioid overdose Not using more than one substance at a time Using drug checking kits when available Not using alone Another way to keep ourselves, loved ones and community members safe is to keep ourselves educated with understanding addiction. Addiction is a chronic disease that affects both brain function and structure. The release of Dopamine interacts with Glutamate in the brain and hijacks its process of reward-related learning. This key system is responsible for sustaining life, as it links activities needed for human survival with reward and pleasure. Translation? Addiction can build pathways in the brain that link the addictive behaviour to a need for survival. Ways in which you can support a loved one struggling with addiction: Obtain your own support. Al-Anon and Nar-Anon are just two of several support groups available. This is especially important in terms of freeing yourself of blame and not taking it personally. There are several treatment options that can effectively treat addiction. Encourage your loved one to speak with their family doctor to access support. Do not criticize or threaten. You cannot force them to quit, but you can be a source of strength and positive encouragement. Expect setbacks. The road to recovery is not straight and flat. There will be difficulties and detours. Educate yourself on addiction and if applicable what to expect with treatment. For people who use substances who are thinking about cutting down or quitting, there is support available.  In Brantford and Brant County, SOAR Community Services offers free counselling and withdrawal management support. For outpatient counselling call 519 754 0253 and for withdrawal management call 610 753 6222. SOAR staff also provide support onsite at the Rapid Access Addiction Medicine Clinic (RAAM); you can walk-in at 320 Colborne Street East anytime during RAAM hours (Tuesday 9 am – 6 pm, Wednesday 9 am – 1 pm, and Friday 9 am – 3 pm). SOAR also provides safe use supplies, including naloxone, at both their 133 Elgin and 225 Fairview Drive, Unit 1, locations [...]

The information in this article is largely taken from the work and approach of Peter Levine, PhD- Somatic Experiencing. Freud correctly surmised that both the imprints of horrible experiences as well as the antidote and catalyst for transformation exist within our bodies. He said, “The mind has forgotten but the body has not- thankfully”. In a way, time, connection and movement can feel different and shifted with the impact of experiencing sexual assault. Our minds continue on and our bodies become trapped in an immobility loop. Life may at some point return to a semblance of normal on the outside, however, when feeling stressed or in conflict, your body might still respond as it did when in crisis. Therapy can support exploration of your connection to your body by reliving body sensations so that feelings can be physically felt and eventually replaced by the emergence of a new feeling or sensation that is grounded in support and safety. There are ways that our minds have rationalized events so that we can still function and our thoughts are not consumed and yet our bodies accurately remember what was and is real. In some cases, behaviour symptoms may not emerge for 6 months to 2 years and may only manifest after another traumatic event occurs. People who are traumatized constrict and brace against their rage, suppressing. Tremendous amounts of energy need to be exerted to keep rage and other raw emotions at bay. This turning in of anger against the self and the need to defend against its eruption leads to debilitating shame and eventual exhaustion. The physical sensations of immobility by themselves evoke fear. The inability to exit from the immobility response generates unbearable frustrations, shame and self-hatred. For many wounded individuals the body has become the enemy- in many ways they become cut off from the primal sensations, instincts and feelings arising from the interior of their bodies. Therapy can help a person to find their way home to their bodily sensations and capacity to self soothe- which has been violently taken from them. It is important to honour and avoid judgment when it comes to current coping habits as they have been necessary to implement for survival. When we begin to open gradually to accepting our intense sensations, we enhance the capability for healthy aggression, pleasure and goodness. Restoring a sense of balance in our bodies and learning to be in relationship with it again. How to support a friend or loved one who is a survivor of sexual assault: · Find specialized support and resources to offer or find with your friend/loved one o There are many people, centres and groups who are professionally and highly trained to specifically assist victims of sexual violence and assault. Tailored support is crucial for both immediate and long-term care and recovery. · Don’t blame them in any way, ever. o It is important to be very mindful about how anything you say can be interpreted or [...]

Infidelity can feel like a lightning bolt. It's as if a tornado has blown away all of the wonderful emotions in the relationship, leaving you feeling empty. You struggle to recognize your substantial contributions to the relationship, the sacrifices you made for the family, and the ensuing anguish, sadness, and betrayal. Your emotional roller coaster is flying back in time to find the missing component of the relationship. You begin to blame yourself for letting it happen. You begin to examine your own flaws as the source of the infidelity. Your self-worth is being questioned. This bucket of negative underlying emotions causes you to develop a negative thought pattern. However, if you have decided to reconcile with your spouse in order to explore new positive directions in your relationship, this is completely fine. When healing and deciding to reconcile with your spouse, the following points can be helpful; Acceptance and forgiveness:  Give yourself time to analyze your feelings and thoughts. Do not rush to accept, only to reconcile. Yes, acceptance is an important step, but you must focus on how you feel in order to accept the situation. Acceptance comes with the responsibility to forgive. Forgiving your partner for infidelity is essential for accepting the circumstances and preparing to move forward. Forgiveness can be painful, but it will help you heal. Forgiving a betrayal may feel like crushing your feelings, but it is a necessary component of the healing process. Forgiveness will help you empathize with your partner. It will provide you with an open platform to better comprehend how your partner is feeling. It will be beneficial to have the opportunity while working on rebuilding trust. Forgiving your partner is not a momentary decision; you must choose forgiveness every time an infidelity-related thought appears to you. To help oneself heal, you must create a secure and supportive environment. Resentment is difficult and hurtful; remember that you are choosing to forgive to heal, not only to reconcile with your partner.  Communication: Communication is key. It is critical to express your expectations to your partner so that they can help you during the healing process. You may have many inquiries concerning the affair. When discussing the affair with your spouse, talk about establishing boundaries. Ask your partner about the details of the affair, including your intentions and emotions. While you're doing so, remember to ask your partner whether it's a suitable time to talk. Your partner is equally distraught over the cheating incident. Respect your partner's boundaries, and seek their approval or permission to talk about the affair. Avoid getting involved in the process of gathering information about the affair. Instead of surrendering to the negative cycle, focus on gathering details to aid in recovery. Remember that more detailed information about the affair may harm you and create triggers in the future. Maintain an open communication environment in your relationship, allowing your spouse to freely choose whether to offer in-depth details while considering your feelings. To [...]

What are ACEs? Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) are negative or traumatic experiences that occur between the ages of 0-17 years old. These experiences are likely to impact the wellbeing of a child throughout their life leading to mental health challenges, and barriers to success when not addressed with proper care. The severity of ACEs ranges significantly; every child will process experiences differently and therefore prevention is critical to the healthy development of a child's mind. Examples of possible ACEs include: - Abuse (sexual, verbal or physical) - Bullying - Discrimination - Witnessing violence or substance use - Loss of a loved one - Disrupted living situations Who Is At Risk? While not commonly discussed, many adults face the repercussions of ACEs knowingly, or unknowingly. Traumatic childhood experiences can lead to long term struggles with mental health disorders such as depression and other mood disorders, anxiety, eating disorders and substance use disorders. All children are at risk of experiencing ACEs however, some children are at higher risk than others. Risk Factors that may put your child at greater risk of ACEs include: - Financial instability - Exposure to substance use - Socioeconomic challenges - Instability due to parent separation - Exposure to violence - Exposure to parental and familial mental health issues - Being an ethnic or racial minority Protective Factor: Protective Factors are events or experiences that help individuals cope with stressful or traumatic events. Having protective factors in your child's life can lower the risk of experiencing ACEs and mitigate long term adverse effects of these experiences. Protective factors include: - Healthy supportive relationships with parents - Strong emotional literacy and communication skills within the home - Strong support systems outside of the home (teachers, mentors/coaches, social workers) - Stable housing - Financial stability Prevention: The good news is that with proper care and knowledge the negative outcomes of ACEs are preventable, and with treatment, do not always lead to long term challenges. Creating stable nurturing environments for children in and outside of the home can prevent ACEs and help your child thrive. While individuals at every age are affected by traumatic experiences, the developing mind of a child absorbs all experiences as part of their mental foundation which influences how a child perceives and reacts to situations throughout their life. A child who has developed a healthy foundation and has strong protective factors will be more equipped to thrive as an adult regardless of ACEs. Ways in which you can prevent ACEs at home include using kind words and tone with your child, using non-violent disciplinary methods, teaching emotional literacy/communication skills, and engaging your child in community mentorship programs or sports teams to build confidence, learn new skills, and learn from other positive role models. It’s Going To Be Ok: You might now be worried about your child, or concerned that your own ACEs have impacted you negatively throughout your life, while ACEs can negatively impact an individual, it is important to remember [...]

It’s not uncommon for parents of teens to have some apprehension and concern when their teen enters the world of dating and romantic relationships. From worries that their son or daughter is going to no longer have time for themselves, their family, and responsibilities , to knowing how teens approach dating and helping them navigate the complexities of it can be daunting. It’s important for both parents and teens to be aware of what I call ‘key ingredients’ to healthy and successful teen relationships. If these ingredients are learned and implemented, or are already present, a parent can then breathe easy as their teen learns how to navigate dating and romantic relationships. The Key Ingredients include: Importance of Friendship and Being in a Relationship for the Right Reasons: Just as in any healthy adult relationship, the core foundation of a healthy teen relationship must lie in friendship. Healthy friendships consist of shared values (not just hobbies), including such elements as: Having similar world views, Dedication to school studies, Trust and loyalty, Non-judgemental and good communication, Good listening skills, Being fun to be around, Honesty, Empathy, Open-mindedness, Dependability. These shared values can of course be developed further, as no relationship is perfect. For example, trust is truly something that is established over time as a teenage couple learns more about each other and navigates the ups and downs of a relationship, like better communication and consistent honesty and openness with each other. Encouraging teens to be mindful of why they are choosing to date someone is also essential when it comes to teens having healthy romantic relationships. Just as with adults, we want our teens to be aware of when they may be dating someone simply for the ‘sake of dating someone’ (due to social pressures or feeling lonely), or if they are dating someone because they truly find them attractive in several ways and feel they would be/are a healthy person for them to navigate a romantic relationship with. This can be a difficult task for particularly younger teens who are entering their first relationship as they may not quite know the differences between pure physical attraction and overall attraction.  “As a parent, monitoring a teens first relationship, from a healthy distance, but with consistent and respectful communication can help a teen navigate and learn where their attraction lies and if their new partner truly shares values with them or not.” Communication: Apps like Snapchat, Instagram, Discord and TikTok are fun, and at times, are appropriate ways for teens to chat and interact with each other, whether between friends or those in a dating relationship. These apps are a great way to stay connected when seeing each other in person or video/phone chatting isn’t an option, but what teens often refer to and ‘IRL’ (‘in real life’) time spent together, can be lacking in today’s teen relationships. Many benefits of spending time together and communicating ‘IRL’ are essential to healthy dating and development overall. One [...]

Already we are mid way through July and marching through the days of summer with haste. If you are a parent of a school aged child(ren), this means at least six more weeks of summer vacation for them! Time off can be a wonderful thing to have and appreciate, but the reality is that it can also be stressful. Being out of routine, having to come up with creative childcare arrangements, trying to find activities that everyone will enjoy are some of the challenges that parents face this time of year. The following are some ideas to help you navigate the final weeks of summer, while also remembering to have some fun yourself. 1. Take time to plan some fun activities with family and friends: This is a good time to make plans to connect with others who are important to you. Talk with your children about some of the things they would like to do, and plan things to look forward to. Create a visual calendar so your family can see what is coming up. Game nights, movie nights, picnics, bike rides, park visits, library visits and nature walks are some of the ways you can spend quality time together without having to venture far from home or spend too much money. 2. Be aware of overuse of screen time: We know that increased screen time for both children and adults can lead to increased difficulties with mood and well being. Physical activity, being outside in daylight and being in nature are all known to improve mood and increase mental well being. Modelling these activities in your own life, and including your children in these activities, is a way to move away from spending too much time on devices and have more balance. Find other interests to encourage and grow in your children, for example, in the areas of art, sports, culture and community. 3. Have a structure in place for the day and the week: If you don’t already have one in place, take some time to plan how you would like the days to flow, a basic routine, what tasks need to be done on a daily or weekly basis, as well as the role of family members in those responsibilities. Include children in taking on household tasks according to their age and abilities. 4. Focus on developing life skills with your children based on their needs: For example, teach your children self care skills such as remembering to stay hydrated during hot days, prioritizing getting enough sleep, and having activities they can do to unwind. Set goals around skills for independence that your child would like to achieve, with your support, such as getting dressed and brushing their teeth for younger children, or studying to get their license, for older youth. Work on helping children to learn to regulate emotions by teaching them coping skills, such as using mindfulness, breathing techniques, taking breaks, and asking for help. 5. Make time for [...]

Gestalt became part of the humanistic approach to psychotherapy and was groundbreaking in shifting the focus from the therapist as observer to the inclusion of self by the therapist, expressed in a dialogic relationship between therapist and client. In gestalt therapy, the therapist is focused on how they relate to their client. Does the client respond to the therapist’s energy? Do they even notice the therapist is there? This interesting approach to the dynamic/relationship begins from the very first interaction and is a body focused approach that aims to teach the client the language of their own body. This can begin with having the client identify sensations in their body. Gestalt is not a solution focused therapy, meaning the therapist is not there to fix or cure people but rather help them absorb the feeling of being with whatever is ailing them. This is especially important for those who have grown up believing that if we could only improve ourselves we could function better in the world, find a place for ourselves and have healthy relationships. In the words of Gestalt therapist and author Gordon Wheeler we have become “armies of one.” Gestalt therapy restores the forgotten knowing that we have never been separate from our families, our communities, our peers, our enemies, our planet but rather have given up essential parts of ourselves in order to belong. When, as children, we are faced with experiences that we don’t know how to respond to, we modify ourselves in some way in order to exist and persevere. This is why feeling connected to things, people and the world is so essential. Life experiences can create fog or block or hinder our natural ability to reach for something or someone or divert it to things, people and coping strategies that are unhealthy or not useful. It all depends on the kind of support we’ve had in our lives (who is in our field) and interactions with mothers and caregivers in early infancy. We were not taught how to belong without losing our selves, nor were we taught that relating through our differences is our strongest opportunity to expand our sense of self. This ability to keep on growing is why Gestalt therapists have such satisfaction from their work – every client reveals a new aspect of self. The same is true in all our relationships. This is why Gestalt has also been called a way of living. The Gestalt therapist works in relation to their client to deconstruct the “army of one” syndrome (that they can only depend on themselves) by making the therapy session a live laboratory for exploring new ways of being in the world. These are some of the principles of Gestalt therapy as taught at The Gestalt Institute of Toronto: The Gestalt therapist is more interested in meeting the client than in moving the client. For example, if a client presents with anxiety, my intention is not to treat the anxiety. I’m curious [...]

1. Don’t listen to the ‘noise’ Everyone has an opinion and many will provide that opinion to you when it comes to what you ‘need to do’ now that you’ve lost your job. Some of the guidance and advice you can receive from other’s may be very well intentioned and even highly useful, but keep in mind that you are your own person with your own wants and needs. Be selective with who you listen to and what information is valuable and relatable to YOU, your personality, needs, and goals, in particular. 2. Be consistent Being mindful of ‘overdoing it’ when feeling panicked about finding new employment isn’t easy, but is something that is very beneficial in the weeks following job loss. Many people scramble to find new employment and this is very understandable for a multitude of reasons (E.g., financial stability, feeling judged for being unemployed, craving the value and pride having a job brings, etc.), but frantically searching for anysuitable form of employment can lad down a road of frustration, disappointment, and exhaustion. Make a promise to yourself that, for two hours, max, each day, 5 days per week, you will keep job search activities (resume and cover letter writing, online job search, networking, etc.) to that time only. I guarantee you that, if you push past this set timeframe, consistently, you will be no further in making your job search successful and will only be detrimental to your mental health. 3. Take significant breaks, even if it doesn’t feel ‘right’ to do so I have heard from many clients who have recently become unemployed that, despite knowing that they are working hard to find new employment, they feel ‘guilty’ taking a break and having any sort of relax-time or fun when they haven’t ‘earned it’ by working each day. While some people, generally younger adults, may feel pressure from older people in their lives that they must be persistent with their job search and be cautious with the time and money they spend on fun activities, finding a balance with self-care and time away from job search activities is vital to staying inspired and motivated when job searching. One should not ‘punish’ themselves for the things that were/are out of their control, such as being laid off from a job. Life must continue to be lived despite job loss. You only get one life, live it.  4. Network, network, network Possibly the most overlooked, disregarded, and underrated activity related to job search is networking, particularly in-person. Relying almost solely on online job searches and applications often leads to frustrations, hopelessness, and burnout. By actually getting out there and connecting with others in you career field of choice, you not only significantly increase your chances of forming relationships that lead to employment, you are taking part in many of the ‘ingredients of happiness,’ including a sense of community, connecting with other’s socially, and a gaining a sense of ability and worth. 5. Practice [...]