In this guest blog I am sharing the wisdom of, Allison James, from The Grief Recovery Institute. I hope you find this blog helpful. If you’re grieving the news and events surrounding Coronavirus you’re not alone. Whether you’re upset that your vacation has been cancelled or have been quarantined (mandatory or not), make no mistake about it, people all over the world are grieving. Most people associate grief with death and death alone. And while death is certainly a loss, there are many other life events that can produce feelings of grief related to COVID-19. A big one is loss of safety. It can be scary when everything we are familiar with changes. ·         You might be one of the tens of millions of people around the world under quarantine, so almost all of your daily habits and routines have changed. ·         Maybe you’re worried about the well being of your parents, children and your own health and safety. ·         If you’re older or have health problems, and are following Centers for Disease Control guidelines, you probably are staying indoors. ·         You could be socially distancing yourself from friends and family so as not to expose them or yourself. ·         Special vacations that you planned for have been cancelled as well as numerous concerts, business events and church. ·         It can be shocking to see that things that were a given in our daily lives have shut down like schools, the NBA and even Disney World. ·         Maybe you’re working from home and miss the camaraderie of your co-workers. ·         Celebrities we know and love, like Tom Hanks, have tested positive for Coronavirus. ·         Maybe it's causing strife in your relationship because you and your significant other don't agree on how to prepare for COVID-19. ·         Have you lost faith in your government, employers and even god? ·         Maybe you’re worried about friends in Italy, our first responders or our healthcare system. ·         You could be worried about the future of your job, how to take care of your kids and how you’re going to pay your bills. ·         There's also general sadness for our community. Many things we accept as normal have been turned upside down. This leaves many of us, myself included, feeling like there’s an uncertain future. How is this grief? ·         Grief is the normal and natural emotional reaction to loss of any kind. ·         Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior. ·         One way to describe grief is that it’s like reaching out for something that is familiar, only to find that when we need it one more time, it’s no longer there. ·         When we grieve, we grieve the loss of unmet hopes, dreams and expectations. Don't these definitions apply to at least one, if not all of the situations above? How do you know you have unresolved grief? ·         Are you eating more or not eating much at all? ·         Is it hard for you to focus on simple tasks? ·         Are you sleeping more or sleeping less? ·         Are you irritable [...]

We have been hearing a lot from nurses and other healthcare providers in recent weeks as they share what this pandemic has been doing to their mental and physical health. This is a time where an already stressful career, becomes something that most of us would not be able to handle. Healthcare workers are being asked to work even longer shifts, in bad conditions and to put their own health and the health of their families at risk. This is something that most of us take for granted. I know that right now, I could go to my local hospital for any ailment and be taken care of by a team of nurses, doctors and other support staff. But, while the healthcare providers assess and treat me, what do I really know about how they are feeling and what they are going through? One of my closest friends is a nurse, she is one of the kindest, most loving and caring people I have ever met in my life. If I was sick, or anyone I love was sick, she is exactly the kind of nurse I would want by our side. She is one of those rare people who has an enormous capacity to love and care for EVERYONE she comes into contact with, personally and professionally. But this past week when she reached out to me, I could tell she was burning out. Her stress levels are climbing, the hospitals are on high alert, the staff are worried if the supplies they have will get them through what might be coming, and she has two young kids at home to care for and protect. The sacrifice healthcare providers make to care for those they don’t even know, is something we all need to pause for a minute and appreciate. Could you do it? I don’t think I could. This got us thinking: how can we offer some small support for those men and women who are currently preparing for the unknown? Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) Sarah Potvin, has some suggestions for those working in the healthcare field during the COVID-19 outbreak. Sarah said first and foremost, we have to understand that everyone reacts differently to stressful situations. You may look around and worry that you are reacting in a different way to others in your position, but that should not cause you further stress. The most important thing to be aware of, is if the fear is becoming unmanageable. By unmanageable, she means, if the fear is becoming unbearable and is no longer doing its job to “keep you alert.” Sarah encourages healthcare providers to take care of themselves during this time and offers the following suggestions: Take breaks from listening to/watching/talking about the virus/pandemic: Hearing about the pandemic repeatedly (especially when a large part of your job is related to the pandemic) can be extremely upsetting and take its toll. Make sure that in order to stay informed you use reliable sources for your information: If you [...]

You probably never thought you would have to explain the word “quarantine” to your children. Sitting at home last night and hearing the news that all schools in Ontario would be closed for three weeks (to include March break) was certainly something unprecedented. The absolute worst part though; seeing my 11-year old’s reaction. She has diagnosed anxiety issues, among other mental health concerns and I could visibly see the anxiety skyrocketing. There was fear, there were tears and a huge amount of uncertainty. I came to work this morning and asked one of our Psychotherapists, Sarah, “What should I say to her?” “How can I reassure in the face of so much fear and uncertainty?” Sarah spent the morning researching and compiling a list of ways parents can deal with the current situation. Her first advice, explain what the point of the quarantine is. Sarah suggests talking to your child(ren) about how the quarantine is designed to protect those in the public who have weakened immune systems. It is important that children understand that even if they, or their family members or friends, get sick, they will most likely survive the illness and recover. The problem arises if we have the virus and don’t know it and we pass it on to someone who could become very sick. Our goal is to protect the most vulnerable in our communities while the hospitals and researchers get all the resources and information needed to help those who are most at risk. When explaining this to your children, remind them that this is an act of compassion to those who need the most help from the medical system. Here are some tips for families that will be at home for the next few weeks: Keep moving: this is critical to boosting mood. The Down Dog App is free until April 1st and has yoga and other workouts to try. Another way to keep moving is to create an obstacle course in your backyard, being outdoors will also help boost mood and manage anxiety. Puzzles work well for certain people with anxiety and are a good way to spend your time. Consider purchasing workbooks online or at Walmart to keep your kids in some type of school routine, this will help with the transition back to school as well. Homemade science experiments – there are great ideas on Pinterest for easy science experiments for kids and they can be a great distraction at times of stress/anxiety. This is another good site for experiment ideas - http://www.sciencefun.org/kidszone/experiments/ Make costumes from things around the house, let your kids imaginations run wild! Have a fashion show, play music, encourage your kids to have fun and let loose! Cook or bake! There are lots of kid friendly recipes on the internet https://www.tasteofhome.com/collection/easy-recipes-for-kids-to-make-by-themselves/ Pick up some new – or previously owned – books to read. Engage with your kids after the book, what did they like about it? Who was their favourite character? Stay in touch. An important [...]

Going to the dentist, doctor, massage therapist, chiropractor, and optometrist are all things many of us do often to remain healthy. Making an appointment with any of the aforementioned practitioners is generally ‘no big deal,’ for many of us. We know what to expect and how treatment will take place under the care of these practitioners and, therefore, we make and attend appointments with them, often without a second thought. For example, we know that when we go to a general dental appointment, the hygienist may take x-rays and check and clean our teeth, followed by an examination by the dentist who tells us if we have any cavities or need to make sure to floss each night. But when it comes to seeking help for our mental health, many of us have no idea what to expect when it comes to attending therapy/counselling. Talking to a stranger about our most personal, scary and painful thoughts and feelings can be incredibly frightening for a number of reasons. Unlike many of the important and highly trained healthcare professions mentioned previously, therapists and counsellors are some of the most misunderstood practitioners, both in terms of the services they provide and what they are like as people…. Both professionally and personally. Despite ‘how far the importance mental health care’ has come over the past 20 years in terms of campaigns aiming to destigmatize seeking mental health care and informing the public how to access therapy and counselling, many misconceptions and myths surrounding therapy and counselling remain. As a mental health practitioner myself, it has been shocking to me, since I began working in the field, what the general public believes, and does not know, about therapy, counselling and the practitioners themselves. I think it’s more important than ever that the general public know what the facts of therapy and counselling are and that’s what I am to do in this article! *(for the purposes of this article, I will use the term ‘therapy’ to refer to both therapy and counselling (both are basically interchangeable terms). Below are, in my opinion, the Top 8 Myths and Misconceptions about therapy: 1) Therapy is only for ‘crazy’ or ‘weak’ people This could not be further from the truth. People go to therapy for a multitude of reasons. Not everyone who seeks therapy is necessarily severely depressed, suicidal, has a personality disorder or is traumatized. While most registered therapists are skilled enough to help those experiencing such issues, they also see many people who are seeking help for such things as stress management, relationship/interpersonal issues and life transitions (E.g. looking for or starting a new career). In fact, a number of people who feel perfectly fine emotionally attend therapy for personal development, to find ways to improve their lives and to learn more about themselves as people. As many clients who visit my office say – ‘I think everyone should go to therapy at some point in their lives!’ Believe it or not, the strongest and [...]

At some point in our lives, we have all experienced conflict in our romantic relationships. Sometimes we are able to work through it, or the relationship ends because the differences and issues seem insurmountable. If you or your significant other is considering seeking the help of a trained mental health professional to work through the issues in your relationship, there are some things you should know about our approach to couples counselling. Our approach to couples counselling is not typical. Many couples picture sitting together on a couch and bringing up everything that you perceive as an issue within your relationship. Often times this approach can lead to an hour of arguing and can add additional hurt to an already fragile situation. At Brant Mental Health Solutions, we set each person up with their own therapist and they undergo individual counselling. This allows each individual in the relationship to work on their own issues, past hurts, insecurities etc. Then, when both therapists feel the time is right, a session will be facilitated with the couple together. This allows for the couple to come together when the initial hurt and frustration has died down a little and it will make for a much more productive session together. We all bring our own baggage into relationships and often what we have going on can impact our significant other unknowingly. It is important that we grow individually in order to work better as a couple. This style of couples therapy, also allows for both partners to speak freely about the issues as they see them. It allows the couple to go deeper into finding out the cause for the conflict in their relationship, and can help them as they move forward, together. If you have any questions about this style of therapy, or you would like to book a free 15 minute consultation with one of our mental health professionals, call 519.302.2300 or contact us HERE.

Coronavirus, H1N1, Ebola, SARS - all serious viruses that many people in the world have experienced, but are viruses that only most of us read about over the last 10 to 15 years. These are all viruses that received a mass amount of coverage in the media… Some factual, some semi-factual, some not factual at all. One fact that has not been reported on nearly as much as those that have created mass anxiety, hysteria, stigma and distorted/irrational thinking is that Coronavirus (and the other previously mentioned viruses) is NOT the end of the world as we know it. While many of us can consume news about the recent Coronavirus outbreak in China in a rational and non-fearful way, many of us cannot. There are a number of us who become fixated by the coverage and begin to take precautions (E.g. buying masks, disinfecting, excessive hand washing, etc.), but there are also those who develop what is known as ‘Health Anxiety.’ While ‘Health Anxiety’ is not listed as an official diagnoses in mental health ‘Bible,’ the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM-5), what used to be known to the general public as ‘hypochondriasis’ or ‘hypochondria’ is now titled somatic symptom disorder and/or illness anxiety disorder. While Registered Psychotherapists, Social Workers and Counsellors are not permitted to diagnose in Ontario, the blanket term ‘health anxiety’ is often used and is, simply put, a condition in which certain people worry excessively about their health. For example, one can severely exaggerate the risk of having contracted, or soon contracting, a disease being heavily covered in the media like Coronavirus. Researchers and mental health professionals have known for some time that people judge risk based on a complex balance of emotion and deduction. More often than not, emotion wins the fight over deduction. Our instinctual reactions are very quick and automatic. Our immediate and instinctual reactions are beneficial in instances when the facts are not yet available… or there is not enough time to process the little that is known. Analytical reasoning is much slower and much more of a task for our brains. If we depended on analysis alone, decisions about risk would “paralyze us” (Carey, 2014, para. 13). In everyday life, the mind juggles the two methods of risk assessment. Research into this process, much of it completed by the Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman and his research partner Amos Tversky, shows that our instinctual reactions “can alter how people gauge the odds in making a wide variety of presumably rational decisions,” such as investing our income to preparing for natural disasters (Carey, 2014, para. 14). When it comes to something like the Coronavirus, let’s say for the purpose of this article, the chance of infection is one in 120 million. Most people would not be overly concerned about contracting the virus and instead view this estimation as being, basically, a near zero chance of happening to them. BUT if a co-worker happens to mention that they know a friend of a [...]

Becoming a new mother can be extremely daunting. Whether you are having your first or fourth child, it is natural to experience a certain level of anxiety at the prospect of adding a child to your family. This is true in “normal” circumstances, but with social distancing and isolation and new hospital procedures due to the COVID-19 pandemic, bringing a child into the world has been made all the more challenging and emotionally draining. For many new moms (the lucky ones!) they have a support system in place. Often this support system begins by having someone attend some or all of their scheduled Obstetric appointments in the lead up to the birth. Then, in having someone by their side through the delivery or C-Section and then the family and friends that come to visit in the hospital as mom recovers. Once the family leaves the hospital, many new families will have friends and loved ones bringing over meals, helping to clean the home while mom recovers, entertaining other children in the house and generally giving mom a much-needed break! With COVID-19, many new moms (and dads) are experiencing drastic changes to the way they bring their baby into the world. Birthing partners are not being allowed into the Operating Room for C-Sections and family and friends are not able to come and visit in the hospital or at home. This will inevitably take its toll on new moms and dads. As someone who has had three C-Sections, I can’t imagine not being able to have my partner in the Operating Room with me. I know this would have been upsetting for my husband as well, to miss the moment our children were born. What is concerning is that, although this new hospital policies and procedures are necessary in our fight against COVID-19, they are setting many more mothers up to experience dramatic shifts in their mood and wellbeing, as they adapt to these changes and experience the potential loneliness of this new “normal.” What should you be looking for? Whether you are a new mom yourself, or you are the husband/partner, family member or friend of a new mom, here are some things you should know; In general, within the first 3-4 days of giving birth, it is natural and common for moms to experience what is referred to as the “baby blues.” The Baby Blues include things like; being weepy, feeling irritable, feeling overwhelmed, feeling tired and experiencing changes in appetite (eating too much or too little.) For many moms, the baby blues will lift within a few days as your hormones settle and you adapt to the changes of having a new child to care for. If these symptoms don’t shift, and seem to last for weeks or months, this may be an indication that you are experiencing Post-partum depression. If crying has become a regular part of moms day and they are feeling sad, confused, scared, or even feeling numb, this is a sign of Post-partum [...]

Those who work in law enforcement, EMS, fire, air medical, ER, etc. are all very familiar with the complexities of witnessing trauma on a daily basis.  These caring and hardworking first responders provide us with much-needed public safety and support.  Unfortunately, many of these individuals overlook their personal reactions or do not have the necessary tools to process and heal their own feelings of grief which results from their chosen careers. I can’t begin to imagine the rush of emotions which must flood first responders after an emergency call.  They often find themselves in horrible situations where loss is sudden and unexpected.  Without proper tools to work through the situations, they do what we all have been taught to do when grieving: suppress emotions; pretend to be strong for others; and wait for time to make everything feel better. For many, when time doesn’t ease the pain of suffering, the next strategy is to stay busy and replace the feelings of loss with something else.  While time may be filled with such things as alcohol, drugs, shopping, sex, or whatever distract us, or helps us hide, from the feelings we do not wish to face, the healing remains unsuccessful. Grief is the normal and natural reaction to an emotional loss of any kind and first responders have additional losses the general public may never encounter: the death of a patient; the inability to find an abducted child; watching the results of a disabling car accident; or being unable to extinguish a house fire while the residents remain inside.  Without a way to diffuse the emotional triggers, memories of these incidents can lead to nightmares and years of anxiety. Grief can also be the change in something which was familiar; Perhaps a work partner dies, there is a reassignment to another team, a promotion is won or loss, or a retirement transpires. All of these daily situations can create feelings of loss. Feeling grief is normal and natural. Unfortunately, it is society’s reaction to loss which can make us feel uncomfortable with the emotions we are experiencing.  In the workplace, most corporate policies provide us with a few days to deal with the trauma or death of a loved one.  Within this short time we are expected to put the pain behind us and come back to work in a functioning manner. The Grief Recovery Method® (GRM) was designed by grievers for grievers.  It is an alternative to traditional therapy and is, at its core, an educational program.  Participants identify the losses they feel are incomplete or those which have been left unfinished.  Once identified they are taught a simple, yet effective, four step process to complete these emotions in order to actually “set these memories down”. As human beings we want to finish the story we have experienced. Many times, in finishing the story, we also attempt to rewrite the ending.  Our mind enumerates over and over the “would have”, “should have”, and “could have” scenarios looking to complete [...]

Grief During the Holiday Season Are you or someone you know experiencing grief? This article is to help you understand how to help yourself heal during the holiday season, or how to support someone you know who is grieving over the holidays. First, it is important to know that the experience of grief and mourning is different for everyone. No two people will experience the same loss in the same way. For some people, the grief they experience feels unbearable. Holidays can heighten this feeling. I hope the information that is provided in this article will be a supportive aid as this holiday season approaches. There is often pressure on grieving individuals (either internally, or from others) to put aside their sadness and hurt and be full of joy and thanksgiving. However, memories of the loved one resurface during events where the loved one would have been. While this information was designed for people whose loved one has died, grief happens whenever you lose something. An individual may be feeling grief after moving to a new city and not being able to connect with friends or family, they may also feel grief after losing a pet, or after being diagnosed with a critical illness, and this list can go on. Therefore, if you feel like you are grieving something other than a loved one, the information in this article can still be helpful. What does grief look like? Common initial feelings of grief: Shock, denial, disbelief, numbness Common feelings and experiences: Anger, guilt, regret, blame, sadness, depression, panic, fear, worry, relief, confusion, doubt, questioning one’s faith, changes in sleep. This list does not cover all the emotions and experiences one may have when grieving. Thinking that you do not want to go one with life is normal, but thinking about suicide is not. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, seek help immediately by going to your hospital’s emergency room, or talk to a therapist, doctor, or crisis support line. St. Leonard’s 24 Hour Mental Health Crisis Line: 519-759-7188 or toll free: 1-866-811-7188 Are you grieving? Here are some reminders during this upcoming holiday. Love does not end with death. Our society wants you to join in the holiday spirit, but it may not feel that easy for you. Remember to be compassionate with yourself as you heal. Do what is right for you during the holidays. As you become aware of your needs, share them with trusted people. Talk about your grief and about the person who has died. Your pain will not go away by avoiding talking about your feelings and memories. Find supportive and comforting family or friends who will listen to you without judgment. If you include the person’s name in conversation, others are more likely to recognize your need to remember them as an important part of your life. If faith or spirituality is an important part of your life, find people who are respectful of your need to talk about this part of your [...]

I debated writing this article for a while, the title alone probably tells you why. We feel so much guilt as parents, whether we should or not is another topic, but the fact of the matter is some of us go over every decision we have made in our child’s life and agonize over what we could have done better. Earlier this month I found myself sitting in the waiting room of a mental health clinic, and not as the owner this time, but as the mother of a child who desperately needed help. A big part of my job is to educate people about mental health and to advocate for those with mental health disorders, and their families. I tell people that they shouldn’t feel bad for what is going on, and that it isn’t any one’s fault. But there I was, my heart racing, palms sweating and feeling like I had let my child down again. Should I have noticed sooner that things weren’t right? Did I ignore big red flags because of meetings and laundry and my other kids and packing lunches? Am I that wrapped up in everything that needs to be done that I’m not seeing what is going on right in front of me? That negative little voice inside was working double time during that counselling session, telling me everything I didn’t do right, going back years and picking over every mistake. Why do we do that to ourselves? When asking myself if I am the best mother, the obvious and truthful answer is no. None of us are. But I know these things for a fact: 1. I love my kids more than I could ever really put into words, 2. I work hard to provide them with what they need, 3. I am proactive about their health and try to make sure they are getting everything they need, 4. I listen when they tell me they have a problem. 5. I enjoy my time with them and am always looking to have quality time with each of them. If there are other parents out there reading this, and they are noticing things about their child’s mood or behaviour, the prevailing feeling is probably fear (it was for me.) No one wants to acknowledge or accept that something might be wrong with their child. The second feeling is that worry that you did something wrong. My daughter didn’t have the ideal childhood. I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant with her, and her father and I had only met a few short months earlier. I’m not ashamed to share this anymore because it is a part of my story, and I have never for one moment regretted the birth of my first child. Needless to say, the relationship was not healthy, loving or stable and I spent 4 years trapped in a cycle of power and control, which unfortunately, my daughter witnessed. Becoming a single mother, obviously had its [...]