As a counsellor and therapist with nearly 50% of my clients being between the ages 12 to 20 years old, I encounter many stories of struggle, despair and distress, but I also hear many stories of inspiring and unique goals, world views and interests. As adults, none of us are immune to the ‘back in my day’ type of thinking when it comes to relating to younger generations about things like music, pop culture, and politics, but more serious topics like politics, schooling, passions and career goals often, unfortunately, become a contentious topic between parents and their children. In my early days working as a counsellor at a child and family centre, I saw many parents who were concerned with whether or not they were actually ‘good parents’ or not. When I heard parents tell me that they were doubting if they were in fact ‘good parents,’ I learned a valuable lesson from some of my colleagues that, when it comes to ‘good’ versus ‘bad’ parenting (and I use the word ‘bad’ in the context of how parents used the word at this time), this can be concluded with one simple ‘rule’: ‘Good parents’ do worry about being good parents… ‘Bad parents’ never worry about or consider that they may not be ‘good parents.’ In other words, ‘bad parents’ are ignorant to the idea of their parenting styles, rules (or lack thereof), lack of guidance and care, etc. are even factors in their children’s growth, development and success in life. While I believe this ‘rule’ to be fact, one type of ignorance that many of us are not immune to as parents, whether ‘good’ or ‘bad’ (which I will now refer to as ‘developing’ parents), is imposing on our children our own world views, thoughts, goals, and dreams… usually for one overall reason…because ‘what we know is best’… The fact is, this is flawed and, at times, hurtful thinking when it comes to our children’s interests, dreams, world views, and strengths. We often think that the ‘I know best’ type of thinking is loving and intended to ‘protect’ our children from the dangers and pitfalls of the world (E.g., Dissuading from interests or studies that lead to a career that stereotypically ‘doesn’t make a good income’, but this is far from the truth as this behaviour can lead to many negative outcomes for children as explored below. What the ‘I know best’ Parental Attitude Can Result in… 1)Shame and Future Resentment Simply put, children and teens crave approval, acceptance, and, most importantly, validation in regards to not only how they view themselves and the world, but their interests, hobbies, imagination, hopes, and dreams. When we do not do this and, instead, sometimes unknowingly and not purposely, we place our own wants, needs, dreams (past or present) and desires ‘onto’ our children in order to gain a sense of expertise and personal fulfillment. When we do not validate, accept, and explore our children’s interests, goals and passions, we signal to them [...]

Equine Assisted Therapy and Learning at Brant Mental Health Solutions In 2021 we were really happy to be able to introduce equine assisted programs off-site at two farms in Brantford. Whilst in office, traditional counselling is something most people opt for, it was important for us to make sure we provide therapeutic experiences for those who don’t feel “traditional” therapy is the right fit for them. We get asked a lot of questions about these programs, so we felt it would be helpful to break down the different equine assisted options and explain a bit about the two therapists who offer them. Who does equine assisted therapy benefit? Whilst anyone who enjoys being outside and around animals and nature can benefit from these programs, we have seen great responses from the following types of people: 1. Children and adults with ADHD, Autism or other learning/developmental concerns, 2. Children and adults suffering from PTSD/CPTSD (including first responders and veterans), 3. People who find in office therapy overwhelming/intimidating, 4. People who have found it hard to connect to a therapist in a clinical setting. Registered Psychotherapist Robin Oldroyd: Robin is one of the therapists on our team who offers Equine Assisted Therapy with her barn partners Bernie and Brenda. The three of them sat down with a videographer last year to explain more about the program they run with Brant Mental Health Solutions, you can find the video here https://fb.watch/aZ11HYQkji/ Robin works with people of all ages and her many years of experience as a therapist, combined with her love of horses, makes this a unique experience for her clients. Registered Social Worker Lynne Cree: Lynne is another therapist on our team who offers Equine programs. Whilst Lynne has many years of experience working with school-aged children in a school board, she is able to help teenaged and adult clients as well. Lynne’s work in the special education department makes her a gentle, patient and goal-oriented therapist when working with her clients. Lynne has 4 miniature horses that she works with, and the farm she runs her programs from has pigs, goats, rabbits and other animals for her clients to interact with. Lynne also runs “family fun on the farm programs” to help families reconnect in nature and find common ground. Is equine assisted therapy covered by my benefits? If you have coverage for a Registered Psychotherapist, sessions with Robin would be covered. If you have coverage for a Registered Social Worker, sessions with Lynne would be covered. Be sure to call your insurance company if you are wanting to use benefits so that you can make sure you know what you have available to you. If I have equine assisted sessions, can I also have in office sessions? If that is something you feel would work for you – yes! Some of our clients add in equine assisted sessions here and there to support the work they are doing in the office with their therapist. Others choose to stick with one [...]

Eating Disorders Awareness Week – February 1st – 7th 2022 In the last two years, we have seen a significant increase in the number of people reaching out to us for help with disordered eating. Disordered eating covers any unhealthy eating behaviours and worries about body image. This is becoming a common issue in our society and affects both men and women of all different ages. Whilst we often think of women when we talk about disordered eating, men actually make up approximately 25% of all disordered eating cases. Unfortunately for men experiencing this, they may experience delays in accessing treatment as doctors may overlook the possibility of an eating disorder and many of the programs created are tailored towards women. Common types of disordered eating: 1. Dieting and restrictive eating, 2. Self-induced vomiting, 3. Binge eating, 4. Laxative abuse. Symptoms of disordered eating: It is important to know the signs and symptoms so that you can help a friend or family member if you notice any of the following. The physical signs of disordered eating can include the following: * Chronic weight fluctuations * Stomach complaints and pain. * Changes in bowel habits. * Changes in menstrual regularity, including stopped or missed periods. * Feeling dizzy, weak and/or tired. * Fainting. * Changes in skin and hair (such as being dry and brittle). * Acid-related dental problems, including cavities and erosion of enamel (caused by bulimia). The emotional signs of disordered eating include the following: * Being preoccupied with weight, food, dieting, calories and carbohydrates to the point that eating and managing weight become a primary concern over other activities. * Being preoccupied with body image, body size/shape, a specific part of the body and/or the number on the scale. * Significantly limiting the repertoire of foods by restricting whole categories of food and only considering a very small number of foods safe to eat. * Performing specific food rituals. * Withdrawing from social eating activities. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-recognize-the-warnings-signs-of-disordered-eating-and-what-to-do/ We understand psychological and emotional issues contribute to disordered eating, which is why seeking the help of a trained mental health professional in addition to a nutrition expert is important. Many people who suffer with disordered eating report issues with low self-esteem, perfectionism and report having difficulties in their relationships. Please know that you are not alone in your struggles with eating and that there is help and support out there for you. If you know someone who you believe is struggling with an eating disorder, please approach them with compassion and understanding. Getting them help as soon as possible is important, but be someone safe for them to share with. Support them through any treatment and seek the help of trained professionals (family doctor, registered mental health professionals with experience in this area, registered nutritionists/naturopathic doctors etc.) The National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC) provides information, resources, referrals and support to Canadians affected by eating disorders through their toll-free helpline and instant chat.https://nedic.ca/

What is dissociation? Have you ever felt yourself “check out” and then have found yourself unfamiliar with your surroundings once you tune back into life? That feeling is known as dissociation. Dissociation is disruption or disconnection in a person's consciousness, sense of identity, or awareness.   What causes dissociation? Most people will experience dissociation at some point in their lives. There are a variety of things that can cause you to dissociate; for example: 1. There is stress induced dissociation, 2. It can be induced by a traumatic event, 3. It can be a symptom of another mental illness such as anxiety.   What are the symptoms of dissociation?       -    Forgetting about certain time periods, events and/or personal information Feeling disconnected from your body Feeling disconnected from the world around you Not having a sense of who you are Having multiple identities that you are aware of or not (this is more a symptom of DID) Feeling little/no physical pain.   How long does dissociation last? These symptoms can appear for a short period of time after being triggered or last throughout the entire feeling of being triggered. This is known as an episode. Others can experience these symptoms for much longer or constantly which may indicate they have a dissociative disorder. If you, or someone you know is experiencing that kind of dissociation, please seek the help and expertise of a trained mental health professional or family doctor.   What about dissociative identity disorder? Dissociative Identity Disorder is different to dissociation. DID is defined as someone who has two or more distinct identities. These “alters” are accompanied by changes in behaviour, memory and thinking.   The following link will take you to the Mayo Clinic’s description of DID and the three major dissociative disorders. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/dissociative-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20355215   The Mayo Clinic defines the symptoms as the following: “Signs and symptoms depend on the type of dissociative disorders you have, but may include: - Memory loss (amnesia) of certain time periods, events, people and personal information A sense of being detached from yourself and your emotions A perception of the people and things around you as distorted and unreal A blurred sense of identity Significant stress or problems in your relationships, work or other important areas of your life Inability to cope well with emotional or professional stress Mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts and behaviors.”   Here are some other statements about DID that would indicate the need for further investigation: I experience two or more distinct parts, each with their own sense of self The different parts have their own behaviours, moods, thoughts, memories, and way of understanding the world I lose my sense of identity—sometimes I don't recognize myself I feel disconnected, like I'm not real or everything around me isn't real Sometimes it feels like someone else is controlling my body I hear voices or notice sensations, thoughts, or feelings that don't seem to belong to me I often have significant gaps in [...]

It’s that time of year again – the time of year where we sit down to create our list of New Year’s Resolutions. There are the ever-popular resolutions like; Going to the gym/starting up again Cutting out coffee/sugar/fast food/alcohol etc Committing to saving more and spending less. Whatever resolutions you are planning, it will likely be something you are adding to an already bust life.   In the past have you been able to stick with these goals? If so, that is great, and you are in the minority! But, for the rest of us who have abandoned our goals, it is time to ask ourselves why.   A Forbes article written in February of 2020 explains that, “every year more than 50% of people make New Year’s Resolutions to lose weight, quit smoking, workout, save money, get a promotion, get a raise and more. Any yet, virtually every study tells us that about 80% of New Year’s Resolutions will get abandoned around this month (February).”   That seems like an astonishing number of people who gave up on their goals so quickly. Why is that? One would think in this day and age of self-help books, coaches and motivational speakers, free habit tracker worksheets and a cast online community of supporters that many more people would achieve the goals they set for themselves.   So why do we let our goals slip away?   I think one of the main reasons we fail is because many of us are not attaching an emotion to our goals. Often, we create goals because we think we need to or because we are feeling pressure to do so. When we do this, we haven’t put the thought or steps in place on HOW we plan to achieve that goal.   When creating a new goal, I have found that when I come up with a WHY, I am more likely to stick to it.   Example One – “I want to work out 4-5 times a week because it makes me feel good, because I value my health, and because I don’t want to be a burden to my children or other loves ones as I age.”   Example Two – “I want to get that promotion at work because I want to prove to myself that I can take this role on, I want to be more financially stable and feel appreciated in my workplace.”   Creating a WHY allows you to tie an emotion to your goal. Feeling the WHY deeply is the motivation that could be needed to help you sustain those goals you set for yourself in the New Year (and throughout the year).   Another way to make your goals sustainable is to put systems in place to allow you to stay focused on your goal. The goal you set is the direction you want to head, the systems that you will put into place will determine your progress towards that goal.   Tips to creating long-lasting [...]

Most of us have heard the term ‘winter blues’ and associate it with winter arriving and having a sense of feeling ‘low’ or ‘down’ until our clocks once again ‘spring forward’ and the sunny warmer weather approaches. While the majority of us experience a level of the ‘winter blues’ at some point or another during the winter months, many of us experience this at a more intense and consistent level which can result in what clinical psychologists and psychiatrists consider a form of depressive disorder called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). SAD is defined as a major depressive disorder that persists during the same season, typically winter, for at least two years consecutively (Psychology Today, 2019). Approximately 2 to 3 percent of Canadians will experience SAD in their lifetime and about 15 percent of Canadians will experience a milder form of SAD in which more mild depressive symptoms are experienced, but a person is still able to go about their daily life (CMHA, 2013). What is Thought to Cause SAD and What are the Symptoms? Causes Though many mental health professionals believe those who experience SAD may have already experienced significant depressive episodes during their life, other factors may be at play. These factors could include experiencing other mental health issues (such as generalized anxiety, for example) and genetics and their role in mental health overall. Researchers also believe that sunlight plays a crucial role in not only our mood, but physical health and sleep hygiene as well. The reduced exposure to sunlight those who live in northern climates, like Southern Ontario, during the winter months, it is believed, results in lower production of vitamin D within the body. Researchers believe that vitamin D plays a significant role in the functionality of the neurotransmitter serotonin, a brain and gut chemical that effects mood and the development, and maintenance of, depressive symptoms (Psychology Today, 2019). Symptoms Persistent tiredness, whether or not one has had a ‘full-nights sleep’ Difficulty falling and/or staying asleep Tiredness that significantly affects one’s ability to carry out daily tasks like work, school, errands, etc. A ‘more than usual’ craving form carbohydrates and simple sugars like sweets, breads, pop, etc. Body weight gain Feelings of sadness, despair, hopelessness, low self-worth and/or guilt Persistent irritability Avoidance of social activities and hobbies/activities one used to enjoy High stress and feeling of being ‘tense’ often A loss of sexual desire and low urge for intimacy/physical touch What Can You Do? Whether you believe you are experiencing significant SAD, moderate SAD, or even the ‘winter blues,’ it is always a great first step to speak with your primary care doctor. This is an important first step as it allows your doctor to consider and eliminate any other health issues that may be causing your symptoms, such as thyroid issues, forms of anemia, and other mental health issues, for example. An effective tool that does not involve medical intervention is ‘Light Therapy’ (also referred to as a ‘SAD Light’ or ‘Happy Light’). What this [...]

Many of us parents have been there. We are rushing to get our child(ren) off to school, we get to the school and our child has a big, emotional outburst and refuses to go into their classroom. This is more common in younger children whilst they are still adapting to being away from the safety and comfort of their home and their primary caregiver, and many children will grow out of this as they settle into the school routine and become more familiar with their new surroundings and teacher/classmates. But for some children, school refusal is something that is more of an ongoing issue and can be a sign of an underlying anxiety disorder. School refusal can affect children of all ages, from kindergarten right through to highschool. Obviously the signs and symptoms will differ depending on the age. Your teenager is less likely to have a big emotional outburst, but may show some of the following signs: Complete refusal to attend, Attending, but leaving early, Starting late, Having a tantrum when they arrive at school, Attending, but experiencing a high degree of distress. What causes school refusal? There are many things that can contribute to school refusal, some of those reasons can include: An underlying anxiety/depressive disorder, The child might be experiencing bullying at school, They may be involved in conflict at school with teachers, or other students, They may be experiencing issues at home that make them feel worried to leave, They could have acute stress/PTSD as a result of something that happened at school, They may struggle at school and have academic issues or issues with their teacher. It is important to note that children with Special Educational Needs (SEN) have a higher rate of experiencing school refusal. What are some symptoms of school refusal? This will vary from child to child and will, again, vary with different age groups. Some symptoms include: Stomach distress (nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach aches etc.) Headaches Fatigue Crying Tantrums It is good to also have your child checked out by their family doctor if they are experiencing any of these physical symptoms, to rule out any potential health concerns. How to help with school refusal: Many parents are unsure whether or not they should be “punishing” or “disciplining” their child when they experience school refusal, this will not work. School refusal is not something that can be disciplined out of a child, it is a form of anxiety that requires treatment. One of the most effective forms of “treatment” is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). CBT should be provided by a registered mental health professional who has received training in this modality. CBT teaches the client to confront and change negative thoughts/behaviours. Something that has worked in our family is normalizing anxiety. We all have open conversations about anxiety as a human experience. When anxiety is appropriately managed it can alert us to danger, or help us perform in a situation. We discuss the parameters of anxiety and when it moves from [...]

Many people may not think of career and mental health as being closely tied, but in fact, many of the clients I see on a weekly basis report that their current career, future career, and/or a career they have thought about working towards, is causing them much stress, self doubt, fear and anxiety. While career counsellors and clinical counsellors that provide therapy and services focused on treating mental health issues are not often considered fields that relate or ‘blend’ together often, some practitioners, like myself, view the goals of these professions as one in the same – assist clients in successfully navigating life’s obstacles and provide them with the tools necessary to reach their goals, whether it be with their career, mental health, or both. Just as most mental health experts in the world have come to view issues such as anxiety and depression as being highly related, the issues that can stem from or relate to career and career development are often highly related to or correlated with struggles with one’s mental health. As many of my clients know, or have come to realize, I like to use a lot of examples during counselling sessions to provide context to the issues they are currently struggling with. I have recently been seeing many teenage and younger adult clients who are feeling much pressure within themselves to ‘figure out what they want to go to school for and do with their life.’ And while many of us think of career development and stressors related to this process as an issue facing youth, this issue is something that people, as I have seen proven in my office time and time again, from ages 15 to 50 face often in today’s world. Many reasons exist as to why this continues to be a stressful and challenging aspect of one’s life up until the age of 50 and these include: 1) How We Interact with and Function Within Todays’ Job Market…         I was once told by a professor in an undergraduate Organizational Leadership course that those in my generation (millennials) and younger will have, on average, anywhere between 3 to 5 ‘careers’ in our lifetime. They also stated that the ‘older generations’ often had/will have only 1-2 (on average) ‘careers’ in their lifetime. When I explain this to my clients, many of them are very surprised by these numbers and ask me why this is the case. There are many reasons why, but some include:   Stability and Security:After the ‘market crash’ in 2008, people began to search for jobs that provided more stability in order to gain more financial security. Those from ‘older generations’ often misunderstand and become frustrated with those who now seem to ‘hop from one job to the next,’ but the reality is, we live in a different financial environment and ‘work world’ than many past generations did. Due to the competitive nature of many professional fields, generations like millennials have had to gain more post secondary education, experience and [...]

  The Mother Wound   I do not have a strong relationship with my mom. If anything I feel like the parent in our relationship more often than not. I often look at my friends' relationships with their mothers and get jealous. My relationship with my mom wasn’t always this way. We always had our ups and downs, as most mothers and daughters do, but over the last decade it has turned into resentment and barrier filled.   The last year I have become more aware of myself and of my actions as a mother. Sometimes, I did not like the person I was towards my step-son. I was not handling situations well. I would sometimes yell, then we would both end up crying. It was awful and unpleasant for everyone.   I did not want to be like this so I started to work on myself. I read self-help books, listened to podcasts, and followed women who inspired me. Along this journey I came across Bethany Webster. She is the author of Discovering the Inner Mother. Webster also has a Master’s degree in Psychology.   What is the “Mother Wound”? The Mother Wound can be described as, “the pain rooted in our relationship with our mothers that is passed down from generation to generation in patriarchal cultures and has a profound effect on our lives,” (Webster, Bethany. https://www.bethanywebster.com/about-the-mother-wound/).   Becoming more aware of myself and how I was acting towards my step-son, I began to see how some of my actions were similar to the actions and choices of my mother during my childhood. I hated coming to that realization. However, this really opened my eyes to the relationship between my mother and her mother and the similarities; their relationship was very bitter, angry, and cold. There was no sign of real love and support, no warmth, or guidance. I do not blame my mother for her actions - knowing what I know now, it was all she knew. She was doing the best she could with what she was given. I really want to change that dynamic with my mother before it is too late. My life is mine to live and create how I chose. I do not have to go down the same road as previous generations of my family, I can be that change.   Here are some tips to identify and heal The Mother Wound Some signs that the Mother Wound is manifesting in your life: Not being our full selves because we don’t want to threaten others, Having a high tolerance for poor treatment from others, Emotional care-taking or exhibiting codependent behaviours, Feeling competitive with other women, Self-sabotage when we’re close to breakthroughs, Conditions such as eating disorders, depression, and addiction, Being too rigid and dominating, Perfectionism, feeling like we have to control everything to be OK.   It could also come up in your life as different forms of pain: Shame: a vague sense there is something wrong with us, Comparison: not [...]