Guilt is one of those emotions that creeps in quietly and weighs us down, especially when we begin choosing ourselves in ways we were never taught to. For many people, the simple act of saying no, setting a boundary, or honouring a personal need brings not relief, but discomfort. You might wonder, Why does doing what’s healthy for me feel so wrong? Why do I feel guilty when I try to take care of myself?

Why do I feel guilty when I choose myself?

You were rewarded for abandoning yourself, so choosing yourself can disguise itself as guilt. If you were taught that feelings and emotions aren’t that important or shouldn’t be included in decision making, then likely at the first sign your body gives you that you are feeling something you respond by leaving it behind, ignoring it, pushing it down etc.

Where do we go when we have to abandon our bodies? 

Typically, it’s to our heads. So, our instincts, body awareness, ability to understand our emotions with others, and developing our internal support systems and sense of who we are was not able to be optimally explored. Has anyone ever told you that you’re too in your head about something? Or that you are overanalyzing? Maybe you have learned to say it to yourself. The word overanalyzing is a catch 22. If it isn’t safe to be in your body, to feel your feelings while with another person or people, then it can feel pretty awful when we’re judged for trying to work it all out in our brains. If it is communicated to you, either directly or indirectly, that you are over thinking or “too in your head”, it is not usually a helpful comment or observation. You already know this, and it doesn’t feel good- but it can feel safer if the only other option is to be in your feelings which means to be in your body with your nervous system.

Human interactions don’t always model for us how to effectively express how we are feeling in the present moment. We are not often taught how to confront another, to tell them what their impact on us is like in the moment. What am I noticing in myself when I hold the same space with you? There is a great deal of value in the environment that is created when human beings enter each other’s aura and energy fields. Consider what it looks like in a science text book when molecules interact. The same holds true for the energy coming from each of us.

When you notice the imbalance of being too in your head, it’s likely that your brain is trying to tell you that it is overloaded and needs you to correct the imbalance. Shifting your focus in those moments to your body is how you start to practice redirecting your responses to where they might more authentically want to go or move.

But what am I trying to feel for? How do I know what I need?

Gestalt therapy helps you tune into how your body is communicating with you and supports you in making meaning of that experience. It guides you in understanding what your body’s signals are telling you about how you’re doing in the present moment. If this flow of awareness wasn’t valued in your family of origin or upbringing, it is likely that you learned to diminish its value as well. When people start on therapy journeys there feels like a strong imbalance between what you know about yourself and what you don’t know.

Our society doesn’t offer a lot of space for the response “I don’t know.” It is most welcome in the therapy session. Saying “I don’t know” is one of the most honest and truthful responses one can give. It can be useful to complete your I don’t know sentence to describe more specifically what you are talking about. I don’t know how I feel about that or I don’t know why I feel this way or that way, I don’t know how to explore this or I don’t know where to go next. There is always useful information to be discovered in each of your responses.

Learning how to communicate with your nervous system means you can be in control of how you respond. When you have real control over your feelings, mental and emotional responses to yourself and an understanding of how you behave; that’s true freedom and self-control. This allows for us to have more meaningful relationships with other people.

If you’re beginning to recognize these patterns within yourself, or you’re curious about how Gestalt therapy can support you in reconnecting with your body, your needs, and your sense of self, you don’t have to navigate that journey alone. Our team is here to help you explore these experiences with compassion, curiosity, and support.

If you’d like to take the next step, we invite you to reach out and book a consultation with Samantha. She’d be happy to help you get started and answer any questions you may have. reception@brantmentalhealth.com
519-302-2300