What does it mean to be a highly sensitive person?

An extract from Sensitive by Jenn Granneman and Andre Sólo, “No matter what you call it, sensitivity is defined as the ability to perceive, process, and respond deeply to one’s environment. This ability happens at two levels: (1) perceiving information from the senses (sight, smell, hearing, taste and touch) and (2) thinking about that information thoroughly or finding many connections between it and other memories, knowledge, or ideas.”

People who are sensitive do more of both. They naturally pick up more information from their environment, process it more deeply, and are ultimately more shaped by it. Much of this deep processing happens unconsciously and many sensitive people aren’t even aware that they do it.

A better word for sensitive might be responsive. If you are a sensitive person, your body and mind respond more to the world around you. You respond more to heartbreak, pain and loss, but you also respond more to beauty, new ideas and joy. You go deep where others only skim the surface. You keep thinking when others have given up and moved on to something else.

Sensitive is synonymous with oversensitive, explains Granneman, and HSPs are often told they should “be less sensitive”. Yet it’s impossible to change the reactivity of one’s nervous system. It’s like trying to be less tall.

Mental health support can help HSPs develop coping skills, maintain appropriate boundaries, navigate relationships, and build upon the strengths of their nervous system. Instead of “I wish I didn’t react this way or that way” instead, lead with genuine curiosity, “Hmm, that’s interesting, I wonder why I had to react this way or that way.” Curiosity provides us more support to understand how we are interacting with our environment and allows for more movement where judgment works to keep us in shame where it is easier to get stuck and harder to move forward.

Highly sensitive person traits may include:

• Sensitivity to lights and sounds
• Sensitivity to caffeine and medications
• Feelings of being overwhelmed by crowded places
• Feeling more drained than others after spending time with people
• Affected by the energy and moods of the people around them
• Startling easily
• Difficulty with transitions and change
• Avoiding extreme or perpetual acts of violence in television and movies

Clinical psychologist Fergus Kane comments about how children that are highly sensitive might

struggle with particular fabrics touching their skin or are distressed about challenges on the

school playground. Parents might find the term of highly sensitive person more helpful than a

label of “a difficult child” – in the pursuit of wanting to understand their children, and advocate

for them.

How to Support a Loved One or Ourselves: Do’s and Don’ts:

The overall message of support for a friend or loved one is to not say that they are overly

sensitive or too sensitive. Statements like these are harmful because it is a judgement and makes

an assumption that the person can or should respond in a different way. Consider your own

discomfort in response to an HSP. What is it about seeing a person be present with their senses,

feelings and emotions that generates this kind of reaction for you? Our responses in authenticity

typically have everything to do with us and not very much to do with the other person.

Own Your Identity as an HSP:

• You are worth taking the time to understand how you interact with the world and having compassion for yourself. It’s time to be able to feel your power and not the pressure of accommodating the other.
• Recognizing high sensitivity as a personality trait is key to thriving as an HSP. Part of this is acknowledging that being highly sensitive does not mean anything is wrong with you. Heightened sensitivity is just a part of your identity.

Learn How You Express Sensitivity:

• The more familiar you become with how you are engaging with your feelings and responses the easier it gets to be able to communicate to your loved ones what you are experiencing and what you might need or not need from them.

Engage in Contemplative Practice:

• Whether through mindfulness, meditation, or body scans, creating a contemplative practice as an HSP is essential. These practices provide opportunities to check in with your body and learn more about your experience. You can use this awareness to make choices best suited for you.

Turn Toward Feelings of Discomfort:

• Many HSPs often avoid the discomfort of negative or activating emotions. However, avoidance behaviour creates a depleting cycle. Learning to embrace and reframe discomfort as part of your experience can help you process these feelings and create space for joyful emotions.

Connect With Others:

• This one can be tricky because we need to be selective about the kinds of people and energy HSPs are more likely to flourish around.

Draw on Your Strengths and Consider What You are Grateful For:

• Gratitude can be a much more accessible and often overlooked coping strategy than some others that might feel more out of your reach initially.

Learn How to Say No- Boundary Setting:

• This might feel extremely daunting or even impossible but that’s typically a sign that those around you may not have respected or helped you to feel the legitimacy of your “no.” This takes time and practice and works best when you start experimenting with it with someone that you trust before using it with others.

Take Time for Yourself:

• This is often referred to as self-care. It is important to take time to define what this looks like for you as highly commercialized or marketed ideas of what self- care should mean often run rampant in social and news media.

If you are wanting to learn more about how counselling can support you as a highly sensitive person, feel free to reach out to us at 519.302.2300 or email reception@brantmentalhealth.com