Grief is a part of life, and often said to be “the price we pay for love”. We will all experience

losing people and things we have loved. We know that supporting our children and adolescents

through these life experiences will help them to grieve in healthy ways. So, how can we do this?

1. Tell them the truth:
   When someone or something has died, it is important to give our children the correct information about what has happened, using simple language, and keeping in mind their developmental age. By telling them openly what has happened, some of the fear around talking about death is lessened. It also will let your children know you can and are able to talk about it. Seek out support if you need help to do this.

2. Recognize that children do grieve:
   Grief will look differently in children according to their developmental age, personality, life experience, etc., as well as the closeness of the relationship with person or pet that has died. Expect that children’s emotions may be expressed through their behaviour rather than through their words. Expect that reactions to the loss will change over time, over months and years, and questions may emerge later. Similar to the process for adults, children’s experience of the loss will be unique to them and based on the context of their own lives.

3. Allow your child to express their feelings:
   Allowing your child to express their feelings and thoughts without having expectations of how you think they should behave is key in supporting them. For example, some people may not cry when grieving. For your child, normalize a wide range of emotional reactions, such as feeling angry, sad, confused, upset, relief, numb, or shocked. Validate that all of these different feelings are OK. Answer questions honestly and at an age-appropriate level. Provide opportunities for sharing memories. Help your child to self soothe and provide soothing reassurance where you can.

4. Anticipate that new concerns may emerge:
   This may include new fears, such as anxiety about illness, or a fear of death. This is a common reaction in children and they will require reassurance from you that both you and they are safe. Knowing your own child is important: if you see a change in behaviour, or their fears become persistent, consider seeking out the support of a mental health professional or your family Dr. Although grief is a natural and normal process, children can get “stuck” in their grief, and develop unhelpful patterns of behaviour and thoughts.

5. Keep routines and structure in place:
   Especially when the loss brings change to your children’s lives. Creating stability through maintaining predictability where possible is a way to help provide emotional calm and a feeling of safety for your children. Children will also be reacting to the

emotions and behaviours of people around them and may be more prone to becoming

dysregulated in an emotionally charged environment. Call on friends and family for support for

your children and yourself. Let people help you.

6. Acknowledge your own grieving:
   Acknowledge your grief and do not hide it from your child. Express what is being felt and give language to your feelings. When you do this, you let your child know it’s OK to grieve. “I’m crying right now because I’m missing grandpa and feeling sad, and I’m also feeling happy that we have so many good memories with him.”

Take good care of yourself while grieving and seek out support for yourself if you are struggling.

Grief is hard work. Allow yourself to accept that you will have your own experience of grief and

that it may be different from others. You deserve support with your grief.

If you would like to connect with one of our therapists at Brant Mental Health, contact our office at 519 302-2300 and our experienced staff will help to connect you.