With the holiday season approaching it can be extremely tough for those who are heading into their first year without a loved one. Many clients who come in for counselling often ask what they should consider as they head into the holiday season. Some want to implement new traditions, and others feel lost and/or stuck.

Here are some things to be mindful of when heading into this season:

1. Be kind to yourself and know that your emotions are valid.
2. Recognize that old traditions may not feel the same without your loved one.
3. Understand that new traditions can honour their memory, while creating fresh, meaningful experiences.
4. Collaborate with family and friends to brainstorm ideas and try to include others (if it feels right to you.)
5. Discuss what feels right for everyone, and be understanding that others will have different comfort levels and preferences.
6. Honour the loved one’s memory by incorporating elements that reflect their personality, passions, interests or values. For example, preparing their favourite dish during gatherings, playing their favourite music etc.
7. Involve cultural or spiritual practices. Rituals or customs from your culture or faith can make it more in sync with you and your loved ones. Modify traditional practices to align with your current circumstances.
8. Be flexible and open to change, allowing traditions to evolve over time as feelings and needs change. Be prepared to let go of traditions that no longer feel meaningful.
9. Seek support if needed. This can mean seeking support from a counsellor or support group if you are feeling overwhelmed. Share your ideas with others who may have experienced similar losses to gain insight as to what has worked for them.
10. Celebrate progress – every step you take counts. Recognize the courage it has taken to start and celebrate the new memories and bonds created through these traditions and the people you are sharing them with.

It is important to remember that grief is a very individual experience, no two people will grieve the same and there is no timeline on moving through your grief.

Some common emotions people experience with grief are:

1. Numbness and shock:
   This can last for several days or longer. You may notice yourself forgetting things, having difficulty with speaking, or other physical symptoms such as poor sleep and appetite, not being able to follow conversations.
2. Loss and disorganization:
   People experience a range of emotions, sorrow, anger, confusion, guilt, hopelessness. These feelings can be intense. It is normal to have trouble with day-to-day tasks. You may find yourself feeling distracted, feeling confused, restless, and fatigued. Grief is hard work and will take a physical as well as emotional toll on the body.
3. Intense emotions:
   You may find yourself feeling irritable, angry, or resentful as you work through your process trying to understand what has happened. You may be angry at the person who died and feel stuck in your grieving. Anger can leave us feeling negatively about life, and people around us. We may seek someone to blame.
4. Physical symptoms:
   Some people will experience significant physical symptoms of grief: headaches, nausea, body aches and pains, chest pain, shortness of breath. Although this can be normal aspects of grieving, it is your body letting you know you are struggling and need to take care of yourself. Contact your family Dr. if symptoms are persistent.

Healing

• Let others help and support you. Acknowledge that you have been through a very difficult experience, and it is ok to share your grief with your friends, family, community and children. Death and grief are part of life, and we want to make it ok for ourselves and others to grieve by acknowledging it. Be compassionate with yourself.
• Have hope that it will get better. Healing is not the same as forgetting. It means that the feelings won’t get in the way of your life as much as it does in the beginning. Be gentle with yourself though the process.
• Keep talking. Find safe people to talk with who let you talk and who you are comfortable with and can share your pain. Someone who does not judge your feelings or reactions and accepts what you have to say. Be open in talking about suicide, so that you can talk through and process your own feelings about what has happened.
• Hold on to memories. Your memories, your relationship with that person and your own experiences are unique and valid. They are not dependent on other people’s experiences or perceptions. Cherish what is important for you to hold on to.
• Do what works for you. Sometimes our friends and families are not sure what to do for us. They may not want to see us cry, so many do not want to ask you how you are doing. They may be hesitant to ask you questions, or the opposite, the questions from others feel intrusive to you. Be open about what you feel and what you need, including saying, “I’m sorry, I don’t want to talk about this right now.” Feel free to let people know how they can be supportive.
• Be prepared for difficult days ahead. There may be times when the grief or memories flood back to you, sometimes when you least expect it. This is part of your process of working through and integrating this experience into your own life. Be gentle with yourself and reach out for support.
• Self-care. Engage in healthy behaviours to increase your ability to cope with a traumatic event. Eating well balanced meals, exercise, fun, rest, relaxation, and a good night’s sleep are all important for your well being. Resist the urge to self medicate or numb with alcohol or drugs.
• Avoid any big decision or major life changes while you are going through this process, if you can. Often, a traumatic event causes high stress for us, and destabilizes our sense of the world. If possible, avoid any big decisions or changes until you feel you are back in balance.

For more information or to book a free consultation with one of the therapists on our team, reach out to us at reception@brantmentalhealth.com or call us at 519.302.2300.