Whether you have unfortunately experienced the loss of a young man or have noticed an

increasing number of news stories and obituaries appearing that involve the deaths of young

men, you are not alone in feeling like such events have been steadily increasing.

As a clinician, counsellor, and therapist, I have come to see several factors that I believe have, and are,

contributing to the deterioration of young men (approximately between the ages of 20 to 45) and what must be done to help these young men in navigating and improving their mental health.

Such factors include:

• Disconnect from peers and social groups (outside of the digital world),
• ‘Learned helplessness’ and a low perceived ability to problem solve and navigate life’s challenges and stressors,
• Distorted and heavily biased views of the world and pessimism for the future (for the self and the world),
• A low sense of purpose, passion, and meaning in life, and, in connection to all of the aforementioned factors,
• Poor mental health’s impact on physical health, self-care, and life-skills.

• Disconnect from Peers and Social Groups
  Many young males will voice to their family, work friends, and others concerned with their lack of interaction and time with friends and others outside of the digital world (I.e., Texting and sending photos and videos on social media apps, gaming, and other forms of communication via phone or computer), that they are ‘still hanging out’ with their friends enough and/or that they ‘don’t really care’ to see their friends outside of work and/or school hours. I can say that, in my practice, when I have seen young males who feel this way, they more often than not, have some of the more ‘obvious’ symptoms of low-mood or depression, but also several signs and symptoms that many do not consider when thinking of a male in their life who is struggling with their mental health.

These signs and symptoms include: disturbed/poor sleep and insomnia, no longer taking part in activities they once enjoyed, drastic change in diet/appetite, irritability, agitation, and/or increased anxiety, poor hygiene, and being inconsistent with or not attending work and/or schooling as consistently as they once had. Technology like social media and video games (in the PC gaming /online age in particular) not only change how our brains work, but significantly impact our ability to focus on other tasks, sleep, our consideration of, and drive to, spend time with those we care about, complete work and/or school work, and interact with the physical world through healthy activities (E.g.,Hiking/walking, sports, community involvement, etc.).

Young men often become so overly stimulated by things like social media, pornography, and/or gaming that certain parts of their brain become extremely fatigued, and averse to the healthier actions and activities in life, that all their brain begins to cherish and value is that stimulation. The consequences of this are not only the previously mentioned mental health symptoms, but feelings of ‘numbness’ or ‘blankness,’ wanting to sleep during hours outside of ‘normal’ sleep hours, carelessness with personal care (such as hygiene and cleanliness of living space), and thoughts of self-harm and/or completing suicide. These thoughts and feelings can include mental images and ‘videos’ of how someone will harm themself or other ways they ‘will die’ which are often extremely intense in nature.

• ‘Learned Helplessness’ and Reduced Ability and Drive to Navigate life Challenges
  ‘Learned helplessness’ is essentially a state that persists following an experience of stressful situations, multiple times, where the result is the person feeling as if they are unable to gain control over their life or situations and that these things are obstacles that cannot be navigated or conquered. Thus, this person then does not bother to try to change or navigate these ‘unachievable’ things. A good example of this phenomena would be how many young men (and teenagers at the time), were impacted by lockdowns during the COVID-19 pandemic.The stress and social changes of this situation (E.g., schooling and work being online and disjointed) resulted in many forming a state similar to that of learned helplessness that continued well beyond lockdowns and, for some, to this day. The feeling of being withheld from loving life how they had hoped to live it and being restrained from exploring adolescence and the world around them (including navigating and overcoming common youth stressors like dating, breakups, starting and ending friendships, attending parties, sports and hobbies, etc.). In being withheld from living a more ‘normal’ adolescent life, these young men were not afforded the opportunities needed for healthy development, and thus, they did not learn how to successfully build resiliency in the face of stress and adversity, set proper boundaries in relationships, build on their social skills resulting in increased confidence, or how to build momentum with healthy life practices like scheduling, physical fitness, and healthy lifestyle practices like diet.

  Without being able to learn such things, symptoms of low-mood and depression increase drastically and such practices must be learned and acted upon through the help of family, friends, peers, and medical and/or mental health professionals. Having conversations with young men who seem to be as described above about your concern for their seclusion, mood and lifestyle, for example, can be necessary in getting the ball rolling for them seeking help and seeing the physical and mental health benefits of the aforementioned healthy developmental practices they had previously missed out on and/or disregarded. If this is not done, young men are more likely to experience thoughts of hurting themselves and/or ending their own life.

• Distorted and Biased Views of the World and Pessimism Regarding the Future
  Simply put, when young men become increasingly irritable, pessimistic (regarding their own life and the world itself), and biased towards certain world views (E.g., more extreme political views, conspiracy theories, and/or bitterness towards world events and their community), they can be more likely to be experiencing depressive symptoms and low-mood, and sometimes thoughts of self-harm and/or suicide. Expressing understanding towards their frustrations, mood, and views can be a great start in gaining trust while gently introducing more clear and rational views using personal life examples and unbiased facts.Expressing concern for their physical health (E.g., blood pressure, headaches, past-due physical examination, etc.), as I have found in my counselling practice, can be an effective and non – ‘pushy’ way to express concern for their well-being and suggesting they seek help (even if this is initially from their primary care physician). If they are resistant to the help, self-disclosing any times in which one has sought help for a personal struggle themselves can be a helpful way to not come off as ‘forcing’ them to get help. Simply providing information on suitable support available can be a non- threatening way to encourage them to get help and allow them to make their own choice regarding when they seek help and with whom.

• Low Sense of Purpose and Lack of Passion(s)
  Young men who demonstrate not only a low drive or motivation to take part in a healthy social life (outside of gaming and social media), having no hobbies outside of the digital world, low drive to pursue success in work and/or schooling, and/or displaying many of the previously mentioned symptoms of low-mood/depression and thoughts of harming oneself/having suicidal thoughts, often lack one common and crucial trait. This trait is a sense of purpose or passion for something in their life. In fact, many experts in the field of psychology see having a ‘sense of passion and purpose’ as an essential ‘ingredient’ to happiness overall, and from my professional experience, I couldn’t agree more. In general, people tend to find purpose and feel a passion for something in one or two areas of their life, but having at least one is crucial when it comes to truly feeling happy and fulfilled each day.These ‘areas’ are within work/school and/or life outside of work/school. If a young man you know lacks purpose and passion in both of these areas, gently discussing with them what they believe their passions are or could be is a start. If the person responds that they are happy in solitude behind a computer screen only, but exhibit the previously mentioned concerning mental health symptoms, then encouraging them to find what other things outside of gaming and social media catches their interest and gives them a ‘spark’ is recommended. The help of a professional Registered Social Worker or Registered Psychotherapist can also be encouraged and discussed further as many offer simple 15-minute free consultations as finding the ‘right fit’ in a counsellor is always important to forming trust and building towards success.

• Holistic Health and Biological Factors
  Lastly, it is also important to note the practice of holistic health practices in young men who may be depressed and/or feel like harming themselves or ending their life. More and more, experts in nearly all recognized field of health agree that physical health and mental health can, essentially, be viewed as one in the same in regards to how one impacts the other and vice-versa. For example, a poor diet and lack of physical activity/exercise leads to a reduction in healthy brain and gut chemicals (neurotransmitters and healthy bacteria) which send messages to the brain that impact our mood and behaviours.Encouraging and educating struggling young men on the aforementioned can be a great way to introduce the idea of caring for their mental health via their physical health as many men can feel more comfortable with the idea of addressing their physical health as opposed to ‘directly’ seeking help for their mental health as a first action.

If you, or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts here are some important resources to be aware of:

SOAR Community Services 24/7 Crisis Line
519.759.7188

24/7 Suicide Crisis Helpline
988

To meet with someone on our team, reach out to us at 519.302.2300 or email reception@brantmentalhealth.com.