In my practice as a social worker providing counselling and psychotherapy, a large number of my clients, especially during the start of the school year, are teens. In the last 2-3 years, I have seen more teens than ever choose to seek counseling and therapy on their own by either asking their parents to seek help for them or finding services themselves.

For all of the criticisms and worries placed upon teens today, I believe that many deserve credit for electing to take care of their mental health without fear or care of judgment/stigma. That being said, what often persists is parents who do not know how to support their teen through counselling/therapy by either disregarding the help available and/or intruding into the counselling/therapy process once their teen has begun receiving services.

Most often, parents have the best of intentions in helping their child seek and receive mental health support, but simply do not know how to best support them in this process. Below are what I believe to be essential Do’s and Don’ts when supporting a teen in the counselling/therapy process and additional suggestions on how to best support them through the process of receiving help and improving their mental health.

‘Don’ts’ in Supporting Your Teen in Counselling/Therapy

Shame or threaten
When a teen begins experiencing  thoughts, feelings, and/or behaviours that are concerning, it can become not only stressful for the teen themselves but others in the household as well. Due to the stress parents and other family members may experience in relation to a teen’s mental health issues, it’s not uncommon for parents to attempt to force their teen to go to counselling. I have even seen parents threaten their teen into going to counseling (E.g., ‘If you don’t go to counselling we will take away your computer’). Such threats and actions are not only counterintuitive, but can make a teens mental health worse in addition to them forming feelings such as distrust and resentment towards their parent(s), leading to additional mental health issues that exacerbate already existing issues.

Disregard the importance of Consistency in Counselling
Another common behaviour I see parents make  is either disregarding or getting too comfortable with how consistently their child attends appointments. As I tell clients of all ages, counselling and therapy is very similar to physiotherapy in that, in order to ‘have therapy work’ and see consistent results and improvements, one has to be consistent with attending and participating in appointments. If clients, especially teens and young adults, do not attend sessions consistently, they are essentially wasting their time and resources and won’t see significant results/progression, if any, just as in a practice like physiotherapy. In physiotherapy, for example, a person may be seeking those services for something like a muscle injury or weakness. In this scenario, for a client to heal and gain strength, they must attend treatment sessions consistently and also do their ‘homework’ (exercises) outside of the physiotherapy office (in counselling, this would be practicing tools and strategies learned in session), consistently. If this doesn’t take place, muscles do not respond and the time and resources spent result in little to no improvement. This scenario can be applied directly to counselling/therapy as well!

Pry or Dig for Session Information
Prying and/or digging for what was discussed between a teen and their therapist, is not uncommon for parents to do, whether directly or indirectly. While it is understandable that parents can be interested and/or concerned with what their teen is doing in therapy and if they are making any progress, this type of behaviour can highly impact the importance of confidentiality in the practice of counselling and therapy. Counsellors and therapists are not only required by their regulatory colleges to keep client information private, but are also ethically bound to do so. Having this pledge of privacy allows clients, especially youth, to feel free and comfortable to share anything and everything with an impartial and trusting person and this must be respected for a teen to learn and grow in therapy. If this is not respected, a teen may feel counselling/therapy is not a safe space for them to speak freely without specific information needing to be share shared a parent or parents

Not realizing the impact your issues may  have on Your Teens Work in Counselling
Likely the most negatively impactful issue that can exist when it comes to teens who are in counselling/therapy ‘pay the price’ for their parent(s) own issues. Being a parent of a teen can absolutely be a significant challenge and constant course to navigate and no one, including a counsellor or therapist, should expect a parent to behave ‘perfectly’ all of the time at home/around their teen. With this being said, and as I have unfortunately seen in my practice a number of times, a parent or parents, can sometimes allow and/or be ignorant to how they behave around and treat their teenager. Oftentimes, this takes place due to a parent or parents not addressing their own mental health issues appropriately and consistently. Parents often ignore or deny the impact this can have on their teens’ mental health and this impact can be enormously negative. It is, essentially, vital for a parent or parents to monitor and work on their own mental health if they are to expect their teenager to work on and improve their mental health as well.

‘Do’s’ in Supporting Your Teen in Counselling/Therapy

When Searching for Services – Finding the Best Match
Simply finding a qualified professional for a teen to do counselling/therapy with may not be enough in terms of how impactful the services the teen receives are. Teenagers, and people of any age, must find the right ‘match’ when it comes to having a counsellor/therapist that they feel trust, connection, warmth, and freedom with. These essential feelings that must exist between a client and practitioner are what allow clients to absorb and practice what they have learned from sessions and apply them in the real world. If you are a parent, allowing your teen to communicate with you about their ‘fit’ with their counsellor/therapist is encouraged and if they feel another practitioner may be a better fit, seeking the help of another counsellor/therapist is a wise decision. A free 15 minute consultation is a great way to guide your teen towards finding the right fit.

Gentle ‘Check-Ins’ and Encouragement
Gently ‘checking in’ with a teen about how counselling/therapy is going and asking if there is ‘anything (they) can do’ to help them feel better at this time is absolutely OK and signals to a teen that a parent/parents have their back and respect their privacy and work they are doing with their counsellor/therapist.

Leave Your Ego at the Door
Unfortunately, one of the most common and evident behaviours that takes place in regards to parents supporting teens counselling/therapy services is that of a parents’ ‘ego.’ What I mean by this is when a parent puts their own needs and ‘reputation’ in society/their social circle ahead of seeing, accepting, and taking appropriate action about their struggling youth’s issues. I have, many times, seen in my practice teen clients who have told me stories of how their mom and/or dad or caregiver did not and/or does not see a ‘problem’ with them and their mental health or only expresses understanding, care, and empathy towards those outside of their immediate family/household who are struggling with their mental health. This is often done by parents who cannot internally and emotionally accept that their child who psychologically represents a ‘piece of them,’ could have a flaw, issues, struggle, illness, etc., because this would be a reflection on them and who they are as a person and parent. This is not only ignorant behaviour, but in my view, one of the most selfish acts a parent can take part in when they have a child/teen who is struggling mentally. I advise any parent of a teen who is struggling with their mental health to be highly conscious of their own behaviour, ignorance, biases, and judgements and put their ‘ego’ aside when their child is in need of help.

Consider Your Teens Health a #1 Priority
‘Putting off counselling’ or therapy and placing it behind sports, hobbies, events, or even school, especially when a teen is struggling greatly with their mental health and/or is in crisis is not only dangerous, but leads to a teen’s mental health deteriorating further. Life activities and responsibilities like school, hobbies, sports, events, relationships, etc. are essential for mental health and highly encouraged by therapists, but these aspects of life may suffer if one’s mental health is not addressed first. A common obstacle I see parents and teens run into is their teen missing time in school to attend counselling/therapy appointments. While this concern is understandable as education is extremely important and teaches a teen so much about responsibility and preparing for adult life, such learning, responsibility, and adult life skills cannot be attained in the most healthy and effective ways if a struggling teen’s mental health is not addressed first. As mental health services are currently in high demand, sometimes the only appointments available are during daytime hours (as evening appointments are highly coveted). I often encourage parents to keep their teenagers counselling/therapy appointments consistent and assure them that their child missing, for example, a section of one class every two weeks to work on their mental health, will, overall, have a greater positive impact on their health and education than if they did not keep their counselling/therapy appointments consistent!

For more information about how we can support your teen, call us at 519.302.2300 or email reception@brantmentalhealth.com . We would be happy to answer any of your questions and set you up with a free 15 minute consultation.