Change is rarely simple. Even the changes we know are good- like leaving a job that no longer fits, ending a relationship that isn’t right, moving into a home we’ve dreamed of – can carry a surprising weight. You might feel relief, excitement, or hope for the future, and at the same time notice an undercurrent of sadness, nostalgia, or even guilt. You might catch yourself thinking, “Why am I crying if this is supposed to be a positive change?”

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone, and it’s not a sign that something is wrong with you. In my work as a psychotherapist, I see many people navigating this paradox: the mix of joy and grief that comes when life shifts in a way that’s ultimately healthy, but also unfamiliar. Recognizing and understanding these emotions is not only normal, but it’s an essential part of integrating change in a meaningful way.

The Paradox of Grief in Positive Change

Grief doesn’t only happen after death. Every time we step away from what was familiar, there is a part of ourselves, a chapter of our life, or a vision of the future that we mourn. Divorce is one of the clearest examples: ending a marriage might be the healthiest decision for both partners, but it also brings a very real sense of loss. You may feel relief, freedom, or hope for the life ahead, and yet find yourself missing shared routines, special memories, or the “what could have been.”

This paradox exists in so many life changes: starting a new job, moving to a city you’ve always wanted to live in, sending a child off to school or university. On paper, everything seems like progress, and yet inside, your mind and body register that something familiar has ended. That sadness, nostalgia, or uncertainty doesn’t mean you’ve made the wrong choice- it means you are human, adapting to a new reality while honoring the past.

Why Feeling Both Relief and Grief Makes Sense

When we take a closer look at the brain and body, it makes sense that even positive change feels emotionally intense. New routines, responsibilities, and environments activate the stress response, even when we consciously want the change. Hormonal shifts, disrupted sleep, and the body’s natural response to uncertainty can all amplify emotion. Psychologically, you may be negotiating two competing truths: I am moving forward, and I am leaving something meaningful behind. Holding these truths at once can feel confusing, even destabilizing, but it is a sign that your nervous system is attuned, sensitive, and responsive to the significance of your life.

Think of grief as a bridge. It connects who you were, what you valued, and the life you leave behind with who you are becoming. Feeling sadness alongside excitement doesn’t erase progress. It enriches it. It allows you to step forward more fully, carrying your past with awareness instead of avoidance.

How to Hold Complexity With Compassion

When clients come to me experiencing grief in the midst of positive change, I often encourage them to:

• Name what’s ending and what’s beginning:
  Writing down both the losses and the gains can help make the mixed feelings feel valid rather than contradictory.
• Create small rituals of closure:
  Even a quiet moment, a symbolic gesture, or a letter you don’t send can mark the transition and honor what’s ending.
• Stay present with grief:
  Let sadness exist alongside excitement, without forcing yourself to “move on” too quickly. Mindfulness, somatic techniques, or breathing exercises can help you witness emotion without being overwhelmed.
• Lean on your support system:
  Friends, family, or a therapist can bear witness to both your grief and your hope. Validation matters.
• Reframe the narrative:
  Instead of seeing grief as a setback, consider it part of a growth process. It is evidence that you’ve loved, invested, and cared deeply—and that you are stepping forward into something new.

It’s also important to remember that grief unfolds over time. You might have moments of joy interspersed with unexpected pangs of sadness months or even years later. This is not unusual. Emotional integration is a process, and it often moves in waves rather than a straight line.

Moving Forward With Awareness and Compassion

Feeling grief during positive change doesn’t make you weak or indecisive. It makes you human. Every transition – divorce, career shift, relocation, or milestone – carries both gain and loss. By allowing yourself to experience the full spectrum of emotion, you give yourself the opportunity to integrate change fully, rather than bypassing important feelings that need attention.

If you’re navigating a life transition and feel caught between excitement and sadness, know that support is available. At Brant Mental Health Solutions, I work with clients to explore these emotions safely, build coping strategies, and create a space where growth and loss can coexist. Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting the past, it means carrying it with compassion as you step into what’s next.

This blog was written by Emily Castracane, Psychotherapist at Brant Mental Health Solutions. For more information, or to book with someone on our team, call us at 519.302.2300 or email reception@brantmentalhealth.com.